[Cosmosdex] The Universal Encyclopedia



Throne of Irritable Profiteers

“I would highly recommend you watch your tongue while we are here, Dave, and as for you Gary, for the love of the Neo, don't touch anything that doesn't belong to you. The natives may seem friendly enough, but the moment you do anything to piss them off, we're going to have a rough time trying to leave the place.” — A disgruntled captain hopelessly trying to warn their troublesome crew about their next landing location.

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Dominant Residents: Twerpian

Fauna: Unknown/None
Weather: Varies from clear skies/cold winds all the way to snowstorms and hailstorms, though the later options are very rare.

Danger Level: High
Purpose: To produce various food and medicinal products for the use of their citizens and for trade.

Original Creator: KleenFarsight

Physical Description

The majority of the planet is covered in tundra, with occasional grasslands, boreal forests, and lakes dotting the surface. While most of the land is relatively flat, hills do take up at least 40 percent of the tundra, and nearly everywhere the cities are not present the snow lazily covers in its chilled embrace. What plant life that does grow is typically short and grizzled, the grey of the tundra bleeding into the lifeblood of the plants themselves. The only exception to this the grass, which is a dark green.


Besides the parasite epidemic which rocked their early developmental progress, Twerpia has only had one other major early conflict, that of unifying their species. Before they were united, various different tribes of twerps wandered the tundra, consisting of only a handful of female leaders. After several hundred years of occasional conflict, one female by the name of Lian Gonfold gathered several different tribes with the expressed purpose of unification, and settled the early twerpian capital of Morpulous as her base of operations.

After a dozen years of diplomatic and not so diplomatic meetings with other tribes, she was able to secure the majority of twerps under her banner, and set in place the system of Autocracy that exists on the planet to this day.

However, at the time of the anti-matter defense initiative, many of the candidate requirements for becoming the next High Monarch of Twerpia began to become more strict. Various tests of both mental and physical capacity began to be introduced under the current High Monarch at the time, and the list of potential candidates that could be voted as next ruler shrunk. While the individuals who failed these new tests were angry, the populous as a whole believed that it was for the betterment of their species, as it removed the possibility of having a underskilled individual take control of the planet.

As soon as the next High Monarch took power, they made sure that the question of "To what extent would you be willing to go to ensure that our anti-matter never fell into enemy hands?" was the most important question, and ever since that decision, the number of candidates able to pass the High Monarch's test has always been one. As such, the populous hasn't had to vote between potential candidates for hundreds of years, which worries some twerpian scholars that should there be an election occur between two different candidates when the High Monarch dies, that the vote will be at best a "popularity contest," eventually leading to the fall of Twerpian kind. Since such a vote hasn't happened, these scholars tend to be the laughing stock of the general public.


Morpulous: The capital city of the twerps, many of the major pharmaceutical companies and food processing plants are located here, allowing for any inbound crews to be able to easily stock up on any rations or medical supplies they may need. While fuel can be found here, all of it is imported, as the twerps have forbidden any practices of harvesting oil from the tundra, seeing as most companies that wish to try to harvest the resource tend to pollute their farmland and water sources in the process. Otherwise, Morpulous has a wide variety of different shops, malls, and restaurants, being the number one place for any visitors or tourists to stop and visit while they are here. As most of these establishments tend to be run by twerps, any visiting reviews of them tend to be by those who were treated to an angry twerpian outburst. The capitol building is within city limits, and on a rare occasion the High Monarch will come out to make a public announcement.

Utophan: Utophan is the second largest city on Twerpia, and while it can't boast as many amenities and stores as Morpulous does, the city is a safe place for free-spirited, self started inventors. Those that show promise and produce valuable technologies are often recruited by the Twerpian government for their own purposes, but for those that aren't worried about impressing the government, they often produce several smaller scale projects, which can range from the useful, the questionable, and just the downright strange.

Outsiders are more than welcome to buy these inventions, but the stranger the invention or the more uses it seeks to fulfill, the more likely one is to run into design imperfections. While not all of these imperfections are harmful, there have been several reports of these inventions injuring or killing others and/or the owner, and upstart inventors have been required by law to state that use of their experimental products may result in injury or death due to diplomatic tensions. Certain inventors approved by a committee of non-twerpian scientists, however, are allowed to sell without the warning, and while most of these individuals have had a spotless track record since approval, there are the handful that have been approved by people with ill intentions. If one is buying from an approved inventor, and wishes to keep in good health, they should demand to see who approved their license to invent. They are required by law to do this when asked.

Morpulous Research Complex: While the research complex has Morpulous in the name, the actual facility is located several miles away from the main city. The facility is where the twerpians do the majority of their research, and while a privileged few are allowed on limited tours of the upper levels that aren't off limits to tourists, the levels below ground are strictly off limits without proper classification. While no one has been able to go down there to confirm it, it is highly speculated that the lowest levels are where their antimatter research is conducted.


Antimatter Defensive: Twerpians have set up a antimatter defense program which launches anti-matter missiles at any hostile invaders or any ships known to be trying to escape with twerpian property that doesn't belong to them. This system has coverage over the entirety of immediate twerpian space, though this has proven enough to both deter invaders and shoot down anyone who has tried to escape with precious twerpian tech. It should also be clarified that these missiles are all launched from either defensive satellites or ground platforms, for they don't put any on any space faring vessels.


• The reason for antimatter not being put on any space faring vessels is that the twerps take great caution on limiting the likelihood of their antimatter tech being stolen, and putting it on a spaceship is just begging for it to be taken. For that reason, twerpian antimatter tech stays on Twerpia or on twerpian defense satellites, no exceptions.

• It is recommended that unless to know how to converse with a male twerpian, you don't try speak in the simplistic twerpian tongue. It's a great way to look and sound like a complete moron, and any female twerp will tend to laugh at your own expense before telling you exactly what foolish thing you just said. Unless, of course, you accidentally say something offensive. Then things aren't as pretty.

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