[Cosmosdex] The Universal Encyclopedia

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Elegant
     

INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE

Elegant
“Ah, how fast absolute dickheads and insufferable assholes grow.” — Elegant's former henchman

No art currently, maybe you can help

Part of the Featured collection

Emblem by Anon
  • Strength-1
  • Intelligence-4
  • Charisma-1
  • Endurance-1
  • Agility-15
  • Luck-7

Age: Unknown
Size: 5 ft tall
Species: Drattle

Job: Fibrae public enemy #1 and infamously persistent prankster
Likes: Chaos, Watching already big bounties grow larger, Attention
Dislikes: The words "Please" and "Thank you", Bounty hunters, Policemen
Notable contributions: Universe's 7th biggest bounty

Traits
[Everywhere] Mystery trait
LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE
[Ambitious] Neutral trait
WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT FROM ME??? IS IT MONEY???? CAN I PAY YOU TO GO AWAY?????
[Escape Artist] Positive trait
THE DAY I GET MY HANDS ON YOU IS THE DAY I PUT MY HANDS AROUND SOMEBODY'S NECK FOR THE FIRST TIME. STOP RUNNING YOU COWARD AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN
[Ultimate Acrobat] Positive trait
DID YOU IDIOTS SERIOUSLY LET HIM ESCAPE OUR CAREFULLY COORDINATED TRAP?? ARE YOU PEOPLE USELESS??? HE'S WORTH MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER MAKE YOU KNOW
[Cunning] Positive trait
"YOU PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS" - Sincerely, Elegant
[Schadenfreude] Positive trait
DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, HUH? WATCHING ME SUFFER HERE IN THE STREETS, TRYING TO GET FREED FROM THIS SHITTY DOUBLE KNOT YOU MADE? FUCK YOU.
[Lil Shit] Negative trait
FUCK. OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
[Wanted] Negative trait
I WILL PAY *ANYONE* A MILLION POINTS SHOULD THEY MANAGE TO BRING HIM TO JUSTICE, DEAD OR ALIVE, I DON'T CARE, JUST PLEASE, MAKE HIM STOP, I BEG OF YOU

Original Creator: Enforcer
Co-creator: Amazing-O


Physical Description

Elegant is a phantom thief of sorts, or atleast, he believes he is (because nobody has told him that they're supposed to be righteous yet), and so he dresses the part. Really though, the only part of his outfit that deviates from the traditional drattle wear is his lace mask and long, dark cape, coming straight from a masquerade party and obfuscating his identity.

Although he barely fits in his black tuxedo and tight pants, Elegant is an incredible acrobat, zipping across rooftops and through windows, easily escaping from even the tightest roadblocks and traps in seconds. Some theorize that this is due to some sort of gravity defying gadget, others say that all the "fat" is really just extremely tight packed muscle. Regardless of how unreal it sounds to say that he has backflipped up 3 stories without having broken a sweat, he still did it.

His last notable quality is that his mustache is said to be quite the magnificent specimen, with a length dwarfing most others' and a signature gleam even the biggest enthusiasts would be hard pressed to reproduce.

Personality

Like many phantom thieves before him, Elegant is known for being cocky, yet careful. He is completely fine with sparing an incredibly childish taunt or two to pursuers before practically disappearing into thin air, even if his delivery slows him down tremendously.

Unlike many phantom thieves before him, Elegant doesn't actually steal anything. Or make righteous claims to oust an evil party. Or, well, anything you'd expect a phantom thief to do. Nobody's quite sure why it is he's so obsessed with the concept of phantom thieves. Sometimes he'll even come back to the scene of the crime to correct officers wrongly writing down "mustachioed creep" in the report instead of phantom thief.

History

Elegant is a wanted criminal bearing the universe's 7th biggest bounty. Surprisingly however, the reason for this is not horrible crimes of a ruthless nature, rather a record-breaking amount of petty pranks, capable of breaking even the most patient of people.

Elegant had always been a fanatic of practical pranks, but it only got in the way of the usual drattle blowing-up-stars-for-the-sake-of-blowing-up-stars and tying-a-helpless-maiden-to-traintracks-for-the-sake-of-tying-a-helpless-maiden-to-traintracks when one of his henchmen jokingly and angrily told him that "Pranks are the true evil. You should do them to everyone. I bet that'd get you even more horrible results. Asshole." after sitting on a chair with a whoopee cushion. The henchman never expected Elegant to take it seriously, and he also never expected himself to actually be right.

His modus operandi consists of nothing more than landing in front of a victim, tying together their sleeves, tentacles, or any tendril shaped organs into absurdly complex and almost beautiful knots, and disappearing into the night as if he was some form of hallucination the victim made up.

Victims usually find these events humorous albeit strange in nature and think nothing of them beyond a funny story to tell others later at their bar of choice, that is, before Elegant strikes a second time. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. And then victims have no choice but to become paranoid husks, fearing for their sleeves from the Knotable Monster of the night.

With the addition of the fibrae to the universal community however, Elegant's pranks went from a couple dozen minor police reports to legendary tales from peer to peer, victim to victim, recounting the harrowing experiences they had to suffer through.

There is no more preferred victim to Elegant than a fibrae.

Once having tied a fibrae into a replica of a long forgotten monument titled the "Eiffel Tower", his reign of tyranny upon this species knows no bounds. The fibrae are like putty in his hands and he made sure that all of them knew it.

Before long, countless fibrae donation campaigns and even some decrees by the fibrae government to get him off the street turned what was once an obscure prankster into one of the most wanted men in the local galaxy.

Elegant's henchman's jaw only grew wider and wider the more Elegant managed to increase the size of his bounty. There was nothing he could do anymore. Elegant had grown and left the coop. Nobody was going to stop him. Not even his former right hand evil man.

Special

Fastest knot in the west: Even amongst drattles, Elegant's tying skills are top notch. He can tie the most complex of formations in seconds, leaving victims not even the chance to ask him to stop.

It takes about an hour (at minimum) for a fibrae to untie itself when struck by this smooth criminal.

Trivia

• Apparently the name "Magnificent" was copyrighted, so Elegant had to compromise.

• The current fibrae dictator, Fontange the Terrible, is a known victim of Elegant's atrocities, contributing to 37% of the bounty on Elegant's head, making Fontange the single biggest contributor to the gigantic number.

Fontange just simply cannot understand how it is Elegant keeps slipping under his dozens of guards, infrared lasers, security cameras, shark pits, gigantic buzzsaws, automated turrets, automated rocket turrets, manned turrets, crocodile pits, heat detectors, bounty hunters, flamethrower traps, the acid pits, poisoned arrow traps, the gigantic pit of steel spikes in front of his bunker, the unpaid fibrae intern tied to a stick, the acid and shark pits, the barbed wire, the multiple security locks on the bunker's door, wheat, and/or its byproducts, the captcha to make sure he isn't a spam bot looking to fill his email with offers of hot aftiks in the area,the acid and sharks with lasers pits, the bear traps, the really, really hard jigsaw puzzle that took Fontange about an hour to get right because it took him really long to realize that he was missing a piece, a gacha game, a number of lobster traps, Fontange's grandma, the acid and sharks with lasers as well as crocodiles pits, the miniature novelty volcanoe he won in an online giveaway that one time, a number of crab traps, the riddle giving sphinx, two different documentary crews, the hundreds of evil robot minions, the mashy spike plates, the mashy spike plates that shoot fire as they crush you, the wildlife snares, the electrified chain link fence, the legendary 4 Elite Generals, the arm pits, the soda fountain, the gift shop, the galaxy's biggest and most impressive rubber band ball, the multiple invitations to a tea party that Elegant has so rudely ignored, the spa resort, the overpriced rollercoaster, the really cute picture of a cat taped to a wall, the Woopy World™ mascot, the Woopy World™ mascot with a gun, Fontange's first born, Fontange's second born, Fontange's pet cat sprinkles, the writer's firstborn (I did NOT agree to this.), the inconspicuous hole in the ground covered by suspicious looking leaves, the cool paintings that seem to stare at you regardless of the direction you're looking at them from, Butler Bob, the infrared lasers again, trained hounds, the crossworld puzzle Fontange can't seem to complete thanks to a 7 letter word starting with E, ending with T, and whose hint is "Graceful, stylish", the 67 different boobytraps installed on the staircase to the 2nd floor, a very comfortable bed, a very comfortable bed with a preheated electric blanket, falling anvils, the really big box that is held up by a fragile and loose stick that uses a Galaxy Burger from Galaxy Burger, Home of the Galaxy Burger as bait, the paparazzi, the 129451 mouse traps laid all over the place which have sent numerous people to the ER on multiple occasions, moral dilemma trolley problems (of which Elegant supposedly always gets the "right answer"), the quick sand, the slow sand, the sand that has a decently average speed, the shoes with honey inside them, falling rocks, a cake made using salt instead of sugar, the reverse psychology sign on the door that says "i'd really like you to open this door because you're a good person :)", taxes, the tactically ignited toilets, three notails sitting on a bench, two dollars and a glass of water, creepy dolls that aren't paranormal, creepy dolls that are paranormal, 3.7 Tesla coils, a bowl with a cookie that says "Please leave, you can have the cookies", a wall that is painted to look like a tunnel, the really, really, scary clowns that weren't trying to be scary but their makeup just sort of turned out that way, the new and improved PLAYGEAR X 15 with an all new graphics card capable of rendering the 17th dimension real time, buy now, 3 and a half inflatable castles, swinging bowling balls, the infrared lasers for a third time, a door that gets stuck really easily which you have to lift in order to open, the bottomless pits, the, uhhh, you know what? This list is made out of fucking chicken scratch. I can't be bothered to decipher this. What does this even say???? "The ugly christmas sweater"??? Dude, I'm just trying to make a living by working on these entries, we could've just stopped at "the many traps", why are you making me write every single thing down. Please.

Oh, and his maids. I almost forgot.

• Elegant is known to attack from any angle. Paranoid victims desperately searching the air will find themselves pulled from below as they step on a manhole, only to come out of it once again tied.

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