[Cosmosdex] The Universal Encyclopedia



Slapstick / Walking Disasters

“They're called frescari because you'll get free scars around them. uwu” — E-457

Art by, Mel

  • Strength-4
  • Intelligence-2
  • Charisma-3
  • Endurance-8
  • Agility-5
  • Luck-4

Common Jobs: Demolition teams, Technicians, Musicians
Likes: Pranks, Jokes, Good music
Dislikes: Formality, Sadness, Inactivity

Attack Method: Hitting hard and startling the enemy with loud noises and zany attacks.

Homeplanet: Didni Wurl
Lifespan: 50 years
Size: 4'0 ft tall
Diet: Plants

Bodytype: Tailed Bipedal
Type: Mammal
Social Class: Low Class
Rarity: Uncommon
Common Traits
[Masochist] Neutral trait
This character is just wired up a little differently from most. They gain some morale when hurt.
[Schadenfreude] Positive trait
This character enjoys it when bad things happen to other people, and will gain a boost in morale from witnessing it. They don't try to make this happen themselves and deaths will still upset them.
[Destructive] Negative trait
Whether intentionally or not, this character has a habit of breaking whatever they get their hands on. They may be inclined to act out their aggression on inanimate objects and their surroundings.

Their native religion is the monotheistic worship of the god Didni, usually represented as a huge TV. Worship of him is typically conducted through mass brawls or parties. Rather than hating limbo gods, frescari worship them happily.

Gods: Neo, Radical

Original Creator: Mel

Physical Description

Frescari (singular frescar) are bipeds with black and white, or occasionally off-white, markings. They have short necks, bulbous feet and noses, and three-fingered hands. Their short, round bodies almost always have a white belly. Their large eyes have no irises; these are replaced by white "pie slices" in the pupils which can widen to let in less light or narrow to let in more. Their ears are floppy, and atop their heads sits a crest easily mistaken for hair. Sexual dimorphism is completely foreign to them.

Their most unique feature is the rubbery texture of their hairless skin and correspondingly elastic physiology. Frescari's spindly limbs can bend and stretch like rubber tubes in virtually any direction, to the point that you could tie their arms into a pretzel without hurting them at all. Certainly not without making them very ticked off, though. They are also able to squeeze through tiny spaces with ease.

Rather than having a typical language, frescari communicate through musical calls. Many of these they keep up almost constantly as though accompanying themselves with a soundtrack. These typically resemble pianos, violins, trumpets and other orchestral instruments. Other than their calls they make numerous exaggerated and humorous sounds, like a loud siren "AWOOGA" when shocked, angry or attracted to something, a "YAHOO" of glee, cackles, chuckles, squeaks and so forth.

Much like some birds they are capable of mimicking most sounds they hear, but their vocal chords are ill-equipped for most languages other than their own. As such most use nonverbal methods of communication like sign language when interacting with species who do not understand their songs or charades. Those frescari who choose to try using other languages will always have a heavy nasal accent, and frequently keep their sentences clipped due to the difficulty of imitating the sounds.

A rare mutation leaves some frescari born in bright colours. On their black and white homeworld this puts them at a disadvantage for survival. Depending on what area of the planet they live in, these individuals may be shunned or revered. It is viewed as more forward-thinking to appreciate the beauty of colourful frescari.


The hostility of their home planet makes death, injury and illness all too common. If they grieved like most species they would spend all their time crying, so instead ingrained in their culture is an exceptionally morbid sense of humour. A typical frescari will laugh at even the deaths of their loved ones, and crying is frowned upon if not outright punished by those around them. Funerals are most often riotous parties full of jokes, laughter and games, celebrating the life of the individual and how hilarious their manner of death is rather than mourning their passing.

Many think of frescari as light sleepers, but this is not quite the case. When stressed a frescar will, often subconsciously, slip into a meditative state where they are fully conscious of their surroundings but lie motionless with closed eyes. This can rejuvenate a little energy, much like lying down with one's eyes closed, but not as much as true sleep. If they hear danger in this state, they will be quick to leap up and run or lash out. A truly asleep frescar is easy to identify since they make an absurdly loud "hohhhh... schuuuu" snoring noise.

Due to their resilience to physical damage, it is far from uncommon for frescari to be constantly playfighting. To an outsider it is nearly impossible to distinguish their playfighting from actual fighting. Especially considering how violent they get. They can take bomb blasts, fire and blunt-force trauma without too much damage, so everything short of bladed weaponry is fair game in a frescari duel. As such they can get reckless with other, more fragile species and their property. An angry or just bored frescar might smash everything around them if not used to how most cultures react to property, and personal, damage.

Their culture also has little regard for personal space or property as a whole. On Didni Wurl it's expected to see people bursting through one's house at all hours of the day, borrowing whatever they please (paying it back is strictly optional) and breaking anything in their path. As such most things in frescari homes are hardily built and nailed down, or just disposable. Frescari communities on and off their homeworld are incredibly tight-knit; everyone knows everyone, and newcomers often have a hard time integrating. It is rare for a frescar to travel far, and those who do usually return soon or at least keep in touch.


Far in the past, frescari sat at the bottom of their food chain. They survived by packing themselves in caves like slapstick sardines and frantically flailing at any predators that came close. Many also lived high in trees, their rubbery limbs helping them move around and survive long falls.

Once they developed tools, they proceeded to try and kill each other through any means available, unceasingly and spectacularly. Large areas of their hostile homeworld still bear the scars of ridiculously violent wars. Technology progressed at an alarming rate as they sought zanier and zanier ways to wallop each other to death before Didni World's many hazards could do it. Many peacemaking movements started up and died out just as quickly. It wasn't until they were discovered by spacefaring civilizations that they managed to get their act together and strike out into the stars to find new things to wallop.

Home Planet

Didni Wurl is entirely colourless from core to atmosphere. Even the sky is off-white during the day. Neither travellers nor natives should readily venture into its wilderness, as it is riddled with deadly predators, hidden hazards and frequent natural disasters that make surviving on it a struggle.

The frescari have managed anyway, and their cities now litter the planet. Their architecture is chaotic and often nonsensical, with whole cities built in clusters bridged not by roads but by spindly walkways as the houses are all touching. Frescari ride everything from unicycles to blimps around them. The largest city on the planet has a population of one million, and most others are much smaller. Large structures hide underground to stay safe from the frequent disasters that plague the planet.


Regma frescari: The most common frescari subspecies, these frescari lack animalistic features like tails, paws and muzzles.

Lesco frescari: These frescari are rarer than the regma. Incredibly variable in appearance, they can resemble any sort of animal but always remain bipeds. Historically, they were better able to fill a ground-dwelling niche than their furless cousins.

Tevola frescari: The rarest of the frescari subspecies due to a historically low survival rate. This is thanks to more pliable bodies which give them lower endurance. As an upside, it also makes them capable of limited shapeshifting that enables them to mimic the appearance of any species they come across. They will always resemble their own species primarily, however, and are unable to change their colouration. With practice they can hold alternate forms longer, but most cannot hold a new form longer than a few hours.


Rubber body: As previously mentioned, frescari stretch and bend like rubber, enabling them to resist most forms of damage. Bladed weapons are most effective against them, but most other things they can bounce back from.


• Frescari and tockhau often get along great since both species speak in music. It makes communication easy. They and the zanni make a remarkable and terrifying combination due to their mutual love of slapstick. Lock up your fragile objects if you put one of each in the same room.

• Most frescari born on Didni Wurl have no concept of colour until they leave, save the few who are exposed to imported goods or colourful frescari. Being exposed to the colours of the outside world usually overwhelms frescari. Some react by decking themselves in every colour they can get their hands on, but others try to surround themselves with black and white to emulate their homeworld.

• The homeworld of the frescari has temperatures that fluctuate so wildly and unpredictably that they often don't bother to dress properly. Frequently they will wear just a top or bottom, or nothing at all. Many who move off homeworld will adopt more normal clothing practices, however.

• Frescari language is entirely independent of gender. They were only introduced to the concept by aliens. It still confuses most of them, and few care what pronouns they're referred to. When using languages other than their own they often mix up others' pronouns.

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