...Helios, what are the odds of us running into the chaotic lamp?

Chaotic....lamp....

.................

Athena has Eris been released?

She shouldn't have! She's just trying to distract us! She likely wants attention and I don't know, summoned a strange radio host to get me to go over there, but I refuse to do it! I am in the middle of a game and Eris can just deal with it until I am done! Why does she always need to pester me? Why can't she pester someone else for attention. Someone who is not TRYING TO MAXIMIZE THEIR CHARACTER GAMEPLAY TIME?

Wait, you didn't already go over there? The host mentioned a predatory bird like lamp.

Do I look like a lamp to you Co-player? I think not! If they are referring to me then they clearly are over doing my description, or maybe they just believe all robots are lamps. I wouldn't be surprised. I have attempted to inform those cone heads about the dangers of Eris time to time but to be honest, they're all a little like Eris. Extremely strange, and to be honest, considering what their planet is like I wouldn't be surprised if Eris is the least threatening thing on it.

Athena it seems to me that Eris must just enjoy hanging out and talking with you to a degree. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to see what she wants? What do I know though, maybe this strange radio signal is just another oddity.

I guess maybe she enjoys hanging out with me but it's only because I am the only person who will tolerate her other then Nike!

.......................

And Nike is only doing it because I asked her to. So I guess, Eris doesn't really have any friends, and that's why she feels the need to bother me. Not that I'm her friend or anything, I'm just watching over her.

I don't mind her too much....I can put up with her and as part of my job I spend time with her. All she wants to talk about herself, and the things she likes. She never asks about me. If she's my friend, then she's the worst one ever. She just goes on about her "chaos" and "mayhem" and "Helios".

What was that last one?

She has an entire wall dedicated to Helios. Pictures of Helios. Artwork of Helios commissioned by the most talented people in the universe. She even made a horsesona. It's unfair! She hasn't even met Helios outside of viewing him at a few meetings and apparently taking pictures of him outside his windows! Why is she, a being of discord, so interested in someone so boring?

I want to say I'm offended but I'm a bit more scared for my life. The last thing I need is Eris. The last thing this universe needs is Eris.

I-it's not like I like her or anything, b-baka.

ARE YOU MOCKING ME CO-PLAYER? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I DO NOT LIKE HER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, HOW DARE YOU MIMIC WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BEFORE I SAID IT.

Hey Helios, maybe you should chat with Eris a little? I mean, its not that I'm shipping you with Eris but maybe a friend is just what is necessary for the good of that poor forsaken planet.

It sounds like you're shipping people co-player! I ask that you stop whatever Eris and Helios fan fiction you have in the works this instant!

You didn't have to speak for me, but you're right. That's a horrible idea, both of those. I just don't think you understand how horrible Eris is player. Eris has so much power but she uses it on meanlessly things without thought. I normally wouldn't tell people what they can and can not do, but once Eris turned everyone in a meeting in to pugs because she thought it would be funny. Do you know what being a pug is like? Suffering.

And then there was Troy where millions of people died, and many people lost their clothes due to an apple.

Once Eris was sent on a simple mission. The whole planet had to be turned to birds because of how much she messed up.

Eris has caused at least three gods to be killed in fights regarding her coloring. She is clearly black and gold but SOME of us think she's white and blue! That causes fights and we're sure Eris is causing this confusion.

Eris once hosted a gameshow and forced a few gods to join it and the rest of us to watch. She killed everyone who couldn't answer the questions. Everyone died in the "basic math" section.

It was kind of their fault for not knowing basic math.

She disabled everyone's calculators.

So what? One should be able to easily solve basic math by hand.

On the question "What is 2 + 2" the answer was a picture of Artemis's hunting trip in to the forest of Feebar.

Oh...right. That was a fairly unfair question.

Thus I rather not meet Eris. I do not like the idea that she has a wall of Helios. I do not want her here or there. I do not want her anywhere. I know it might sound harsh player but banishment for Eris was the lightest sentence that could have been given to Eris.

Maybe giving Eris a Helios unit will get her to leave you alone for awhile?

Yes, I, and I alone will carry the burden of Eris so that no one else has to!

Don't sentence that poor Helios to a life of suffering like that.

I believe I found a new ship.

What what? WHAT ARE YOU SHIPPING CO-PLAYER?

Ooooooh I don't know, maybe I'll ship ErisXHades! I mean, she has this whole turn stuff into dogs sthick, and Hades probably loves that. Maybe Eris will go over to Hades' place and turn his entire house into dogs while he's sleeping. Hades wakes up to a soft, confused yelping, finding himself covered in mutts and terriers. As he is trying to dig himself out of the dog-pile, he spots a cute yellow lamprador trotting his way. He manages to free one arm, just enough to caress her while her luminous face closes in on his. He- er, maybe I should stop there.

Yes, maybe you should stop right there. That was the worst thing I've read all week, and I've read Midnight Sins. A book about one man and jaywalking at midnight.

Plus, Hades already has a wife. Even if she's gone missing.

And then he went looking for her and never came back!

After that Mors took the throne of the Underworld. I'm not saying Mors kidnapped both of them to take power but...

Mors likely kidnapped both of them to take power! I don't understand why Mors had to kidnap the smartest out of the three "leaders" of the greeks. Why not take Poseidon? Or Zeus? Both of them are- are- are-

Absolutely wonderful leaders. I stand by them the whole way. Or at least I stand by Poseidon seeing as Zeus has taken the fall.

Athena is physically unable to make rude comments about any of the leaders.

Gag me with a knife because it's horrible.

But seriously Athena it seems nobody actually likes Eris that much over there. Some of her japes are vaguely amusing, I guess? But she's just too dangerous for anything other than vague jokes about romance.

Right. No one likes Eris that way. I can't think of a single person. What about you Helios?

No...not at all Athena.

Though could you please make sure Eris is where she's supposed to be and then lets go ahead and get back to saving the universe.

Co-player, I constantly watch over Eris! I should be allowed to leave her alone for a few days. Just look co-player, I have been interrupted about twice in this game by Eris and we only just left planet 1! I want to be able to play without having to check up on her every time something weird and slightly related to her happens. Do you know how many weird things are related to her. A whole lot! I'm barely going to be able to play if I keep checking on her, and I don't want to bring her here because she's going to pester me to play, or start backseat gaming. I am the one playing Fortuna and I refuse to have anyone else get in my way!

Maybe you should go take a short break to build a few babysitter AIs so you can spend longer times in the future not watching Eris. In the meantime, maybe nike or another of your friends can be the guest coplayer. I'm sure one planet without your expert guidance won't result in too much losing.

But co-player this is a 5 planet game in which one of those is the center of the universe and the other is Fortuna! I will likely never be able to play this game ever again for the rest of my life, and don't give me "But we'll have you next game" promises! I'm not here to tie down the rest of your game co-player, and thus even though you might tell me you want me next game, I'm not going to treat that as a promise. You might want some new AI and I don't want you to feel like you must stick to me because of some silly "promise."

That does mean I refuse to keep leaving though. This is my one chance to play this game. I don't cross over to the new universe so the chance of me playing this again is slim to none. I've been waiting my whole life for this chance and any friends I have are going to need to wait. Eris has a whole planet to herself. One she can edit and bend to her very will. All on the planet, from the sentient ruling species, to the deadly beasts, even the very grass on the planet cannot harm Eris. She has a whole planet to interact with! Normally the punishment for gods killing gods is death or the tutorial, her punishment is barely a slap to the hand compared to those things.

I wish I could be punished by getting a whole planet to myself. I had to buy my own planet.

I know it's so unfair sometimes. We're gods but we don't get worshipers, or land, or temples. Not one goat will be burned in offering to us. Being a god is nothing like it is in the stories. Eris gets the closest thing to true godly worship. Frankly everyone is a little jealous about the whole situation. Anyway, like I said, you are over reacting. Just because you heard something strange on a radio doesn't mean something is wrong with Eris. In fact if we heard something normal on the radio then I would start worrying, but if you're so worried about her being bored then I'll go grab a yarn ball and put it in my inventory. That should entertain her.

Helios, aren't you going to open that box?

Oh. Well it's nothing important. The peon is just making notes.

How strange. I suppose I don't need to see it then.