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Home > Expos > Event 8 > Page 34
DOOMED ACROSS THE STARS▼
DOOMED ACROSS THE STARS
[ Soul Poetry ]
Q-1174
Q-1174. That was this notail's name, a Q in the front, and four digits in the back. Thousands of other Q-classes had shared that same number, went on, lived a particularly short life, and died a dog's death. The record was erased clean, and then a new notail would be born under this name. A relentless cycle, repeating itself over and over. To forget the dead in notail culture wasn't a big deal: Most aliens had trouble understanding that once you're dead, a corpse's but fresh parts, or else something you should ditch for the animals. To keep thinking of those long gone is futile, meaningless. Particularly for one of the Q-class, and even more so for Q-1174.
Q-1174
If the life of a Q-class was a book (It wasn't, of course), the narrative of Q-1174 would be a chronicle of minor tragedies. A thousand sentences of death, that would be immediately forgotten later. Of those who were lost in the war, from mundane bullets and bombardment. Of dragons that killed you with their mere presence, of anomalies beyond comprehension, capable of speaking words that drove anyone who listened insane. And of something worse: Disease. Those little small diseases that brought you to the jaws of the Neo before you know it, infections that turned your very flesh necrotic and bones into mush, or viruses that devoured your very brain from the inside-out.
Q-1174
Thus, it must be said, if a book of her was made, it would be a short book filled with death, and one day, like everyone else, she'd just casually drop dead for one reason or another, The End. Full stop. Anti-climatic. When you're a notail, a Q-class, you understand deeply that your life is but a number on a spreadsheet. You die. Your records are deleted, and another notail fills in your number. Straightforward, as your life has always been. Aliens found trouble in that, but to Q-1174, that's just the way things are. How they've always been. And how it was always meant to be.
Q-1174
Dat was the way of life.
[ Funktastic Planet (From "ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove!") ]
Q-1174
Was.
Q-1174
2024-12-31 08:17:38
Q-1174 Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:41:34
Turns out life expectancy for a Q-class rises to the peak when the Union federation crashes down? And now what once was a nobody throw-away Q-1174 is the O-5? And he's getting gigs left and right and racking in the dough? Life's good.
Q-1174
Mr. O-5's goes in through the door of the ZooCorp building. Called to do his newest gig by the secretary he knew a few days ago, since the "last stand" failed: Freelancing is so easy, this one will surely be a just-as-well easy job like any other.
Assistant
"Welcome to ZooCorp. How can I help you?" The assistant pauses, recognizing the Q-class.
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:19:30
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:42:21
"You wouldn't be here to find your new O-class, would you? The higher ups informed me that he has recently, how do I say this? Turned in his 2 weeks and left the office."
Q-1174
O-5 seems non-chalant. "Dey come as fast as dey go. For all I care, I'm my own O-class. ´w` "
Q-1174
"Heard dere was a vacant job, though." He places his arm in the table, relaxed. "I'm interested. ´w` "
Assistant
"Ah, the anomalous event call center job. I'm going to guess as a Q-class you don't need to be informed of it. A lot of our frequent callers were Q-classes that didn't study up."
Assistant
"Most of the time, they knew what they had to do, but were alone, and couldn't commit to it without someone else ordering them to do it."
Assistant
"Guess you can be told a 1000 times that when an anomalous effect has compromised you to self annihilate for the safety of others, but it gets kind of-" She pauses to find the right word. "-pathetic when everyone else already committed to it and you're the last one left."
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:21:52
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:43:36
"Sorry for all the gloom. I promise you I'm not normally so moody (at least, not in that way), these are the last few days of my job at the Anomalous Call Center. Every day I get fewer and fewer calls."
Assistant
"Can't tell who I'm more melancholy for. The folks dying, or the anomalies who will wither away with nobody to mourn."
Assistant
"Joke of course. The dead people are more important." She shrugs, as if she didn't truly care.
Q-1174
The Q-class shakes his hand in thought. "Don't say sorry. Da ambiguity must have been nice in your side of da phone. "
Q-1174
"Now dat it stops being a flip of da coin for you, and everyone's guaranteed to be a goner, it's hard to not feel dat way."
Q-1174
"Wouldn't say the guarantee is dat bad, though." He hums. "At least if someone calls in tomorrow, you know dat they're still around and you're doing a good job. Until da calls stop. ´w`"
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:23:57
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:24:12
"I don't know if that's quite comforting to me. I've been considering just quitting."
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:24:04
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:47:23
"I'm just prolonging their suffering. I doubt anyone will ever be able to find comfort out there. In a way, I do this more to keep things normal for me."
Q-1174
"Came in for da job, but do you want my opinion?"
Q-1174
"I've heard dat a lot of Q-classes call da anomalous call center, ya know. Dey knew what dey had to do, but were alone, and couldn't commit to it without someone else orderin' them to do it."
Q-1174
"Feeling like the last man standin', eh? Ya life, if you quit, you quit, but I'm da voice in the phone. Let's get to workin'. ´w` "
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:26:03
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:48:11
"Now that's a clever trick. Using my words against me. I like you. Let's get to work. The job is simple. You use our saved internet to look up what the anomalous disturbance is."
Assistant
"Because you're a Q-class, you might know it off the top of your head, so don't try to goof off too much. I know the allure of just looking up random facts of the universe is rather inviting but we have a job to do."
Assistant
"What I really mean is, please don't look up anything weird."
Q-1174
"Don't even get to look a single fun fact... Da Neo is truly evil... ´w` "
Assistant
"Fact: The Y-class of notails is named so strangely because there are little to no "working class" words in the Y letter of the alphabet. So someone just made something up."
Assistant
"If you want fun facts, I'm full of them. Kind of my thing. Just ask me for a fact or a tip."

The assistant takes the first call.
Assistant
"Anomalous event help center here. How can we help you?"
Caller
"I ate everything. But I'm starving here."
Assistant
"Sir, I do not believe hunger is anomalous."
Caller
2024-12-31 08:30:58
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:49:10
"You...don't fucking understand! I ate EVERYTHING AND I'M FUCKING STARVING!"
Assistant
"Can you tell me more about your situation?"
Caller
"I'm so hungry...."
Assistant
("I think we should close this call. Doesn't sound anomalous.")
Q-1174
The Q-class scratches his chin and motions. "Ask him da last time he ate. Da time frame. Weeks, days, hours. ´w`"
Assistant
"When was the last time you ate?"
Caller
There's a snarl behind the speaker's words. "FUCK YOU! I told you! I ate! I ate everything! Just now. Everything. Why am I still so hungry? I finally broke into the storage and I'm still starving!"
Q-1174
He shakes his head. "Anomalous. Dat's a goner. Animal, it seems. Da fella's metabolism is through da roof. ´w`"
Assistant
"Not even going to look it up huh? Brave."
Assistant
"Sir, I am regretful to inform you, you've starved to death awhile ago and are currently actually a demigod by the name of Animal."
Assistant
"Something of which you likely are aware of. So. Please tell me why you bothered to call this hotline."
Caller
The thing behind the call clicks for a few seconds in thought. "WHERE IS EVERYONE?"
Assistant
"Sir, this is an anomalous event hotline, not for anomalous events."
Caller
"I AM. HUNGRY. AND THERE IS NOTHING. NOTHING."
Q-1174
"Didn't know dat one could operate a phone. Figures. ´w`"
Assistant
"Desperate times-"
Assistant
"-call-"
Assistant
"-for desperate measures."
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:35:49
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:36:00
"Ok sir, well if you have nothing more to add I'll be hanging up now. Thank you for calling the anomalous event hotline."

The assistant ends the call as the anomalous demi god screeches.

Assistant
"Did you know: Every time you end a call there's a bell that rings in your head if you got it right?"
Assistant
"It rang. Shouldn't be surprised, that's an easy one. Didn't figure anomalies would start calling though." Assistant takes the next call.
Q-1174
"Hope ya like the sound of bells, then. You'll hear dem a lot today. ´w` "
Assistant
"Sure hope so. The fake dope rush is as nice as pouring my coffee in the morning."
Assistant
"Anomalous event hotline here. How can we help you?"
Caller
"I don't know why I'm calling about this. I know it's not real. I'm looking at a city. An endless city."
Caller
"Why can't I just accept the lie? What fucking anomaly is this? I was on my ship for weeks, slowly dying. All the planets gone, and suddenly, it auto pilots to a planet. There's people here. It's normal."
Caller
"Please name the anomaly taking pity on me."
Q-1174
He muses for a moment and then shakes his head. "Not anomalous. Just in case, ask further about da auto-pilot. It's a AI or anythin'? ´w`"
Assistant
"What's your ship AI like, if anything."
Caller
"Just a standard Hermes ship. v370 or something like that. Never been important to me. I ....can I talk to the people out there? How can this be possible?"
Assistant
("I know what you're thinking. (Mind reader) but the chance it's ZooCorp is unlikely.")
Assistant
("What are the chances a warp gate aimed at ZooCorp automatically opened near him after weeks?")
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:40:36
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:40:48
("Not impossible but....")
Q-1174
He puts his hand in his chin and nods. "Ask if he can make anythin' out of the city. Does he see anythin? Can he make out da details of it and the people within? If there's any of those shrimp towers, he's at ZooCorp. ´w`"
Caller
"I don't think my AI can see much out of what's onboard and what it needs to land. It's not the smart type. I'm taking a look around and I don't see any shrimp. No. I mean, there's these coils of wires everywhere. Some of them going up these towers. I don't have the best vision but I'm sure they're just telephone poles."
Q-1174
The Q-class picks the computer and places those keywords. "Endless City Hallucination."
[ impatiently waiting - Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator]
2024-12-31 08:42:36
Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:42:46

SEARCH RESULTS

ENTER THE ENDLESS CITY
AD: CITY ROUGES. BATTLE FOR FREEDOM IN THIS NEW ACTION ADVENTURE...

ENDLESS CITY ANOMALY
WARNING: DO NOT EAT THE FOOD. DO NOT TALK TO THE PEOPLE...

CULT OF THE HELPER'S DOMAIN
A city safe from all woes. Please join us. Help us. Help....

Q-1174
"Ask him to do nothing until we go back at him. ´w` " He clicks on the third option, Cult of the Helper's Domain.
Assistant
"Sorry for having you on hold for so long, but whatever you do don't touch anything until our questioning is over."
Caller
"I already shook hands with this one guy."
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:44:28
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:51:53
"Ah. Well, let's hope you didn't kill yourself."
Caller
"It was so nice shaking hands with him. Am I really saved?"
2024-12-31 08:44:54
Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:45:13

CULT OF THE HELPER'S DOMAIN
WELCOME FOLLOWERS!
A city safe from all woes. Please join us. Help us. Helper is our protection from all harm. All anomalous forces. All evils in this world.

IGNORE THE CREATOR. The monster of EVIL! Look towards the HELPER! The doe of GOOD! INNOCENT IS SHE!

We welcome you. Please enter your nearest black hole to begin.

Q-1174
His shoulders tense "I don't think dat was a warp gate. ´w` "
Caller
"There's this really huge tower."
Caller
"I'm going in."

The call ends.

Assistant
2024-12-31 08:47:04
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:52:23
"No bell. He's dead, isn't he?"
Q-1174
The Q-class shrugs. "Even if he knew wat to do, he'd be. Beats starving to dead. ´w`"
Assistant
"I guess you're right. Lets take the next-"
Caller
2024-12-31 08:47:41
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:53:09
An aftik walks through the entrance. "So, am I dead, or what?" He walks up to the front desk. "Am I dead? Be honest."
Assistant
".........................................."
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:48:13
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:53:26
"Sometimes the impossible is possible, I suppose."
Q-1174
2024-12-31 08:48:21
Q-1174 Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 08:48:30
The Q-class claps. "Good news, you're alive."
Q-1174
"Da bad news is that this is all dat remains of da universe. Get a job. ´w` "
Assistant
"There aren't many job openings right now. I recommend freelance work."
Assistant
"Consider yourself the luckiest aftik around to have ZooCorp on that warp gate's automatic schedule."
Caller
2024-12-31 08:49:22
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:53:57
"Woop...woop! WOOP!" The aftik hops around the lobby.... "I'M NOT DEAD, YES!!!!" before bouncing out of the lobby in excitement.
Assistant
"Want to take bets if he hops into traffic and gets killed by a car?"
Assistant
"Sorry that might be too dark."
Q-1174
"I'm a Q-class. ´w`"
Assistant
"I'll let you have first dibs on choice then."
Q-1174
"Overdose by coffee. 2000 Points. ´w` "
Assistant
"That's how I want to go out. A shame I can't drink. Personally betting on vehicular manslaughter in 5, 4, 3, 2...."
The Aftik rolls a 4 sided die. A 2 is rolled.
Assistant
"Ah. He managed to hop right over that car. I forgot how nonsense aftiks are. Fact: Aftiks may be ground birds but they actually hunt flying avians by jumping high enough in the air to grab them."
Assistant
"Let's take at least one more call before we end this off for now."
Q-1174
"Before we go, I'd like do ask a thing. ´w`"
Q-1174
"After all da calls are done, I'd like to search a single thing in da internet, of my choice. Reapin' the reward for da bet, dat's all. ´w`
Assistant
2024-12-31 08:52:05
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:54:54
"I don't know if you missed my tip off but you can do anything you want with that computer. I'm not going to notice. Sorry, sometimes my tips are really subtle."
Assistant
"I don't like getting in trouble, so sometimes I'll say something like...."
Assistant
"Whatever you do. Don't do something terrible with that gun. That would be horrible."
Assistant
"Understood?"
Q-1174
He nods his head. He looks at the computer and thinks for a moment, before signaling that he's ready for the next call.
Assistant
"On a genuine note, please don't do anything terrible with that computer. It's connected to most of the devices in this building. I would be quite upset if you did something terrible." Assistant starts the call.
Assistant
"Welcome to the anomalous-"
Caller
"They called me a baby girl."
Assistant
"....................................."
Assistant
"Next caller."
Assistant
Assistant ends the call and starts another one. "Welco-"
Caller
"I stood before a god of blue and he didn't even try to kill me."
Assistant
"Please get off the line b- what is your job title name again?"
Caller
"Baby girl."
Assistant
The assistant sighs.
Assistant
"Baby girl, please get off the line."
Q-1174
"Non-anomalous. ´w`"
Baby girl
"Dang."

The baby girl hangs up.

Assistant
"I assure you, he's quite anomalous. If you ever meet him, do yourself a favor and run." The next call is started.
Assistant
"Anomalous event hotline here. How can we help?"
Caller
"WHERE DID YOU TAKE ALL THE PREY. ARE YOU TRYING TO STARVE US ANOMALIES. HOW CAN WE EXIST. WITHOUT OTHERS."
Assistant
"Guess you'll just have to die then."

Assistant ends the call and starts another.

Q-1174
The Q-class mindlessly types "Black Tiger" in the search bar.

SEARCH RESULTS

There is no content on this webpage

LEARN ABOUT THE BLACK TIGER
Learn all about the history and social impact of the black tiger!!! >:3 Last updated 6000 years ago.

BUY A BLACK TIGER
I'll tell you how to get the finest *$&$(%* tiger *$&%^#& in the universe. Click here to start....

Q-1174
He clicks. "There is no content on this webpage."
Assistant
"Anomalous event hotline here. How can we help?"
Caller
"Yeah I'm like. Mighty-bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt- Homestead got these long worms in the soil---------dreading what will happen."

The webpage called "uww..nugov" is opened. This doesn't seem like it should be a valid address.

2024-12-31 09:03:41
Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-07 19:47:50

PASSWORD
>________________________________

Assistant
"You ok over there?" Assistant says to the Q-class.
Caller
2024-12-31 09:04:18
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:57:42
"No. God, no, I'm not! The worms!"
Assistant
2024-12-31 09:05:07
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:58:06
"....Sorry, don't worry, we're working on the worm issue."
Q-1174
The notail presses enter without typing anything in on the password field. "Yeah. Worms. Neo. ´w`"


The page reloads.

2024-12-31 09:06:26
Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-07 19:47:41

PASSWORD
>_________________

Assistant
"Sir. I believe the worms are related to the Neo."
Caller
2024-12-31 09:07:02
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 09:07:44
"-----------HOW DOES THAT HELP? zzzzzzzzzzzzzz------- THEY'RE EATING MYzzzzzzzzzzzzz THE LEATHER! SOLES GONE!"
Assistant
("You sure are....")
Assistant
("phoning this one in. Huh?")
Q-1174
The Q-class is looking at the screen, in silence.
Q-1174
He inspects the page element. "Worms are non-anomalous. Utilise, uh, pesticide. ´w`"

On attempt to inspect the page element, the page reloads.

2024-12-31 09:09:31
Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-07 19:47:24

PASSWORD
>_______________

Assistant
"You've lived a long life. Do you really want to waste that being wrong?"
Caller
2024-12-31 09:10:15
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:59:21
"I'M CALLING YOU FOR HELP, DANGNABBIT!"
Assistant
"Sorry sir, that wasn't for you, sir. Please spray pesticide on the worms."
Caller
2024-12-31 09:10:22
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 18:59:30
"Of course! -------getting my hat. Gonna kill 'em now!"
Q-1174
"... "
Q-1174
The notail looks around the assistant's desk, in search of a phone.
Assistant
The assistant is the phone.
Q-1174
"Well. Funny thing. ´w`"
Assistant
"I know what you're thinking. (mind reading.)"
Assistant
"It was a pun."
Caller
"Hello I would like you to know that after putting on my hat I have realized that nothing is wrong worms are amazing I love worms. Thank you for helping me. I will love worms and eat worms and sleep in worms. I am worms. Please love worms they mean so much to me please please please please."

The call ends.

Assistant
"Aaaaand he's dead."
Assistant
"Worms were in his hat."
Q-1174
"Seems to be da case."
Q-1174
"I think I need a bit of help here. Guess I'm da final caller of da day. ´w` "
Assistant
"For the curious, the tip we were given was that he said Soles not Souls, so the worms were implied to be in his shoes." She is speaking to no one in particular.
Assistant
"If you want a hint for what the password is, you're looking at it."
Assistant
"A shame you likely have no idea what you're looking at. This puzzle isn't meant for you."
Assistant
"If I were you, I'd just end this and close the page. By the way. Not a hint. Actually the only way to save your life here."
Q-1174
He puts his hand gently at the assistant's face, close to her cheek, behind her ear as he feels it. "Mm. ´w`"
Assistant
The assistant's face turns into a black hole.

The Q-class, being so close to the assistant immediately has his hand sucked right in. The rest of his body being pulled in. In seconds the Q-class is gone.
The Q-class is in a world of white. Dark robed figures are approaching. Hands held out.
Q-1174
The Q-class lights a cigarette as he realizes where he is. He brings the axe he took from Matches in hand. That's a Helper cult. He's a Q-class. He's a O-class. He's the O-5. Time to do his job
Assistant
2024-12-31 09:19:19
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 19:01:58
"Not a Helper cult." The voice of the assistant is so clear in the mind of the Q-class, but when he looks around she's not there.
Assistant
"Knew I messed up when I mentioned I read your mind. Of course you would realize I meant literally."
Q-1174
He backs up, axe sharp to threaten the cloaked figures. "Knowin' da aftik hopped above a car didn't help ya, I'd guess. ´w`" He doesn't need to say anything more. He just waits for her to speak further.
[ Bloodborne - Blood Starved Beast ]

The robed figures create a circle around the Q-class, but none of them dare to get close enough to be in attack range.

Assistant
Should have known you were on to me when you looked up that "helper cult.""
Assistant
2024-12-31 09:20:50
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 09:21:16
"That was a nice hint to me."
Assistant
"Look, don't get me wrong. I don't kill anyone, that's not my thing. If anything you'll be safer than anyone else in this universe."
Assistant
"Might even be safe for many many more universes."
Assistant
"But you'll be one of my assistants."
Assistant
"Let me stop being dramatic. This is something I passively do. I didn't choose to be "anomalous" in this way."
Q-1174
He puts the axe down as he looks to his sides. At what he described before as cultists. Those assistants. None of them seemed armed. In fact, they were quite alarmed at the axe's presence. "Dat's why you said it wasn't a cult, huh. ´w`"
Q-1174
2024-12-31 09:22:55
Q-1174 Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 19:03:38
He sighs as he looks up: He's calmer, holding the axe down. "Ask dem to back off a little. Almost ripped 'em to shreds. Explain wat's dis whole thing: I've had my suspicions but doesn't smell like da "anomalous call-center" thing. ´w` " He motions his finger around him.

As soon as the axe is down the swarm jumps him in unison, like a school of fish watching bait sink into the water.

Assistant
"Sorry. I told you. It's passive."

The crowd drags the Q-class down. They do not hurt him, not intentionally. One of them brings out horns. The sound of a drill rings through the Q-class's head.

Assistant
2024-12-31 09:23:51
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 19:04:08
"Literally through. Get it?" The assistant says to no one in particular.

Two horns are entered into the head of the Q-class. His mind calms. He senses no more danger. His conversion is quick, and though his head bleeds, he is not dead. The driller raises her hands into the air and declares the Q-class one of them before the robed figures begin the leave to a city in the distance.

Assistant
2024-12-31 09:24:21
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-23 19:04:51
"God, I hate that."
Assistant
"You know, next time you want to touch a lady's face you might want to ask if she has a black hole button right below the answer call button. Just a tip."
Assistant
"Welcome to my ever growing list of people I've thrown into a black hole for self defense. When ever I need a little bit of help, I'll throw which ever one of you is most useful back out."
Assistant
"Sure hope I don't come across any terrifying clockworks anytime soon."
Assistant
2024-12-31 09:25:12
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2024-12-31 09:25:19
"Sorry you had to get sucked up in all of this."
Q-1174
2024-12-31 09:25:59
Q-1174 Profile
Posted by ID #14
Last edit: 2025-07-23 19:05:26
And thus, the assistant walks back to the city with all the rest, in silence.
Baby girl
"..................................................................."

The small baby girl has been watching the assistant talk to herself for minutes now.
Assistant
"Damn. He won't even talk back. He's that upset."
Baby girl
"Stop talking to yourself."
Assistant
"...................................."
Assistant
"D-"
Baby girl
"No one wants to."
END OF SHIFT
No one is typing.
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