18:47 | 12 Online Users
Login
Station
Login
Catalogue
Story Bestiary All Pets Database Colors Rules Cosmosdex

STORY

STORY

Home > Expos > Event 8 > Page 33
ANOMALOUS EVENT HOTLINE▼
ANOMALOUS EVENT HOTLINE
2025-01-02 18:09:24
Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 01:45:23
[Yume Nikki - Snow World]

Centuria Jigsaw was given a job at Zoo Corp headquarters' for the day. Upon entry, the toreka is greeted by the assistant at the desk.

Assistant
"Good day, or, should I say night? Thank you for coming at a time like this!"
Assistant
"Let me break it to you now, I lied. This isn't a Zoo Corp position, but I'm running the books, so no one is going to notice someone getting paid for a few hours of non Zoo Corp work."
Assistant
"Before working here, I used to work at the anomalous event call center. I still do, but for reasons you can assume, it's been less busy lately. You know what those are, right?"
Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 18:13:47
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:49:35
"Glhf! I, Centuria Jigsaw, came as soon as you sent me the details for the job offering! I'm pleased to report I'm quite acquainted with the concept."
Assistant
"I see. You seem pretty sure of yourself."
Centuria Jigsaw
"You have some kind of hot line, as it were, and connect it up to a room full of people who people on the outside can talk to!"
Assistant
"Right, you understand. Don't worry. I'll be doing all the talking."
Assistant
"Like any good hotline, the best way to get information on how to save a customer from an anomalous event is to just look it up online."
Assistant
"Zoo Corp has a copy of the internet, frozen in time. All of it right on this computer. You listen in on my calls, and you start looking up keywords of the anomalous situation so we can get the correct results as soon as possible."
Assistant
"As sad as it might be, don't blame yourself if anyone dies. It happens."
Assistant
2025-01-02 18:16:53
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:17:16
"Also, they're all doomed anyway. These people are outside of the Zoo Corp mega planet."
Assistant
"Drifting in space. On ships that have nowhere to go."
Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 18:17:46
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:51:22
"Aha! So you'll be the dps, I'll be the support, and we're partying to reduce the hot lined individuals' incomprehension to zero! Capital!"
Assistant
"We'll be skipping all the calls for help due to non anomalous reasons, understood? No matter how much they beg."
Centuria Jigsaw
"wait what's that about people off-world-"
Assistant
"You know that there are no more planets in the sky, right? Zoo Corp is all that exists now."
Assistant
"Well. Think about it. All of those ships that were traveling at the time. The satellites that were just far enough to not be ripped apart by their planet disintegrating..."
Assistant
2025-01-02 18:21:03
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:21:15
"They're all still out there......but they're doomed."
Centuria Jigsaw
"uhhhhhhh"
Assistant
"I suppose most people don't think about it."
Assistant
"But as the last employee of the anomalous event hotline, I'll still be taking calls."
Centuria Jigsaw
(I was wondering why most of my Hestiastone matches with friends back home had timed out... I should try to contact folks on Foyer...)
Centuria Jigsaw
(but also I really need this paycheck. I'm learning that dumpster diving does not score you fuel.)
Assistant
"Ah. I was hoping for someone who was more well informed of current events."
Assistant
"I guess I can't tell you that you've been living under a rock, you already know that."
Assistant
"I would recommend not looking for fuel. If you leave this place, you'll end up being one of my calls."
Assistant
"Guess I can't refuse more work. Especially with the clientele growing smaller with each day."
Assistant
"I'm getting our first call. Remember, just look up information and pick out what's most likely the answer, and, protip: Ignore the rats."
Rodent
A white rat gazes up at Centuria, sniffing in interest.
Centuria Jigsaw
"... Metagaming your conversations by reading their thoughts is kinda bad sportsmanship, y'know," Centuria mutters to themselves.
Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 18:33:56
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:34:06
"But hey, what the heck! I'm going to do my level best to not have a personal crisis on company time!"

Centuria cracks their knuckles and resists the urge to frantically search up the fate of everyone they know.
Assistant
The first call starts. A video pops up, but it shows nothing but a black screen.
"This is the anomalous event hotline. Please describe the anomalous event as clearly as possible."
Caller
2025-01-02 18:34:42
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:53:47
"Hi. Sorry for...calling so much...uh. Right. So there are these red handprints appearing all over the living space. Where Lorkart...you know. I have to assume that's part of the problem...."
Assistant
"And to clarify. Lorkart di-"
Caller
2025-01-02 18:34:52
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:53:57
"Please, just tell me what the issue is. I don't want to talk about it."
Centuria Jigsaw
Centuria, still not entirely understanding the assignment, types in "red handprints lorkart".
2025-01-02 18:37:58
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:52:31

RESULTS

Lorkart Redprints
Anomalously invest in our amazing service....

Red Handprinted Artwork!
Our anomalously amazing artworks can be personalized with your very own name.....

Learn more about: Lorkart
Do you want to know more about Lorkart? Learn all of their personal secrets including phone number and address...

Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 18:38:21
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:38:51
(...none of these seem right.)

Centuria, somewhat helpelessly, clicks on the first entry.

They absently go to pet the rat, as some kind of self-soothing motion.

The webpage leads to an animated image of a robot in a cowboy hat (though, strangely not a Pluto unit) attempting to sell a web course on the best way to invest outside of Zoo Corp.

Rodent
As Centuria pets the rat, they feel time slip by as they mindlessly click on course info after course info....
Assistant
The assistant has been watching Centuria zone out, as time escapes them. It's been 20 minutes now. The call had ended a long time ago. She gave a generic "It's a manifestation of your grief" answer and ended the call.
Assistant
2025-01-02 18:40:12
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:40:40
Despite wanting to help Centuria. She dares not to. She tried to warn them to ignore the rat. She can only hope they snap out of it by pure concidence.
Centuria Jigsaw
"This is way too many courses to offer!" Centuria finally blurts, slamming their fist on the table. "How does one possibly choose!"
Assistant
"You remind me of quite a few callers I get."
Assistant
2025-01-02 18:41:25
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:54:42
"I tell them, "Whatever you do, don't touch that." And you know what they do?"
Assistant
"I wouldn't know, because the call ends soon after. I can take a wild guess."
Centuria Jigsaw
"mmmm yeah sorry. Please don't fire me. Actually, I might just use my own squeeze toy if you don't mind."
2025-01-02 18:43:13
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 18:44:14

Centuria sets Fishtopher on the table, and gives the cekeki a squeeze instead.

Centuria Jigsaw rolls a 20 sided die. A 5 is rolled.
2025-01-02 18:44:02
Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-06 21:04:36

The cekeki breaks. Having been squeezed far too much recently. One of the toy damsels inside the cekeki starts to flop around, clearly alive.

Assistant
"............................................................"
Centuria Jigsaw
".........................................................."
Assistant
"Fun Fact: Did you know the anomalous event hotline is anomalous in itself? This is why it works even in critical social and economical failure events."
Assistant
"Sorry. Fun facts are a bad habit of mine. Next call." The video call pops up, but it is just static.
Assistant
"This is the anomalous event hotline. Please describe the anomalous event as clearly as possible."
Centuria Jigsaw
"You don't have to apologize and in fact that's um quite a as you say uhhhhhhhh fun fact." Centuria gently scoops the fish into their pocket.
Caller
2025-01-02 18:47:40
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-06 21:06:36
"You guys are still operating? Fuck, I thought everyone was dead out there!"
Assistant
"Please describe the anomalous event as clearly as possible."
Caller
2025-01-02 18:48:30
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-06 21:06:22
"Everything gone! The planets! Everything! I haven't been able to get a call with a single person until now."
Assistant
"I'm sorry the anomalous event hotline is only used for anomalous events. Your current experience is natural."
Centuria Jigsaw
Centuria types in "Planets gone single" before overhearing Assistant.
2025-01-02 18:53:05
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:51:52

RESULTS

Planet full of local singles....
All for you! Experience this amazing anomalous event for only....

Gone on Holiday?
Consider the trip of a life time by meeting some local anomalous....

Caller
2025-01-02 18:53:33
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-06 21:06:16
"There's nothing natural about this! Please-"
Assistant
"Thank you for contacting the anomalous event hotline, but we must move on to other callers." The assistant ends the call, as well as moving her hands over to delete the current search.
Centuria Jigsaw
"Great job, colleague! According to my results, it seemed like they were looking for dating advice. Definitely had the wrong hot line."
Assistant
"...............Fun Fact: The anomlous hotline is not a job you choose to have. People are born with a blessing that causes all communication devices they interact with during certain hours to lead to those seeking help from the anomalous hotline."
Centuria Jigsaw
"... huh. Well, perhaps because of all the other hot lines being down, someone needing dating advice ended up connected to yours by mistake?"
Assistant
She seems to ignore Centuria. "If I operate the computer then the video calls would actually work, and I'd have to see all of their faces." The assistant grabs another call.
Assistant
"This is the anomalous event hotline. Please describe the anomalous event as clearly as possible."
Caller
2025-01-02 18:55:14
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:17
"It's you again. I...never seen any major anomalous events in my life, and now it's like it's one after the other!"
Assistant
"Due to the lack of other locations to manifest, and Zoo Corp being anomalous hostile, anomalies only have very few locations to spawn. Including in your ship. Please describe the anomalous event as clearly as possible."
Caller
2025-01-02 18:55:20
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:22
"There was mold on the wall. Black mold. And now its starting to....grow teeth? It's in the hallway to the livingroom. The room where....Just please don't mention it again. I'm sorry if this is because I can't forgive myself."
Centuria Jigsaw
Centuria searches up "black mold growing teeth", while wondering how much of this internet they could download onto the PGM, their handheld digital gamer device. This kind of information would be, as the Toreka would like to call it, "p. OP like damn".
2025-01-02 18:56:31
Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:56:55

RESULTS
Anomalous Tooth Mold Cures
Are anomalous tooth molds growing in your home? Curse it before it's too late!....

B/Anomalous Hallway grew teeth?
My brand new fucking home grew teeth. What do I do about this?.....

Teeth Molds and Obmilism
How to cope with, and greet your newest toothy resident.....

Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 19:05:10
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:57:59
Centuria's pretty sure new houses don't have mold, and so tries the first result.
2025-01-02 19:05:41
Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 02:58:17

Anomalous Tooth Mold Cures
Tooth molds are a common form of mundane anomaly. If ya'll don't know what a mundane anomaly is, it's a type of anomaly that appears in many locations.

Example: Burrisks and blorts

The common tooth mold may seem frightening, but due to its slow growth nature and ease of removal there's nothing to be scared of.

Reasons for Tooth molds: The tooth mold is an anomaly of the Helper. It is part of her domain of non mouth related consumption. Tooth molds appear when someone feels deeply regretful over failing to help someone.

If left untreated: Overtime the tooth mold will consume the location, and then, in one final act, crush the location down to the side of a single point, and then erupt it into moldy dust.

Solutions: Like many mundane Helper anomalies, the tooth mold only needs to be ignored to begin reducing in size. Stay outside of the area where the mold has spread, and do your best to engage in other activities unrelated to the cause of the mold, such as video games. Depending on the size of the mold it will disappear in 1 to 7 days.

If you find yourself unable to remove the mold, call our team of professionals. We'll arrive at your house and ignore the mold for you. Our large team means that the mold will disappear in record time so you can go back to enjoying your home or place of business again.

Centuria Jigsaw
"Oh! This one's easy! Tooth molds are Common Helper-type anomalies with p subpar offensive stats. It appears on the field with a self-inflicted poison counter anywhere between 1 and 7 days, so all you gotta do is farm in a separate location."
Centuria Jigsaw
"I figure this last bit about calling professionals isn't really relevant, cuz they're all like, probably not alive now, right?"
Assistant
("Yeah, ignore anything about the outside world. They're all dead.")
Centuria Jigsaw
"It recommends video games as a good sidequest! Can you ask this guy if they've got a Hestiastone account? I could give them my referral code."
Assistant
"I've been informed by my assistant that you need to farm away from the mold for a few days to get rid of the mold. Do you have plants you can take care of?"
Caller
2025-01-02 19:07:35
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:26
"I have a few....They're just small houseplants and succulents though. Will they count?"
Assistant
("Wait...you meant video game farming?")
Assistant
2025-01-02 19:07:59
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:08:26
"Yup! I'm pretty sure it'd still apply in this situation, unless they're like, belonging to his dead friend and it summons additional debuffs along the lines of feeling guilty or responsible. Lingering on those feelings makes the counter ineffective!"
Assistant
("I think I'm starting to understand you.") "House plants, games, any distractions unrelated to any guilt will work. Anything else will continue the growth of the mold."
Caller
2025-01-02 19:08:40
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:33
"I feel like I'm going crazy."
Caller
2025-01-02 19:08:45
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:38
"Everyday I'm faced with some new...horrible event. And everyday I pick up the phone only to have a voice tell me to stop feeling guilty."
Caller
2025-01-02 19:08:49
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:42
"You don't exist. I know you don't. I know this is all just in my head because I'm losing it after learning about all the planets going missing."
Assistant
"Did you get the information you needed?"
Caller
2025-01-02 19:08:53
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:47
"........"
Caller
2025-01-02 19:08:58
Caller Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:54:53
"Yes. Thank you for your time."
Assistant
"Thank you for calling the Anomalous event hotline. Do not hesitate to call again!"
Assistant
2025-01-02 19:09:34
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 03:00:50
She ends the call. "Let's call it a wrap....."
Centuria Jigsaw
Centuria hugs their (somewhat deflated) cekeki.
Assistant
"You may not have been the best at it, but you did the most important job I needed you to do."
Assistant
2025-01-02 19:10:08
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-21 03:01:17
"Not ask any questions. Not offer any pity. I think you've earned your wage today."
Centuria Jigsaw
"Um... thank you?"
Centuria Jigsaw
"Ggwp, I guess. Could I ask a question or two now, if I'm off the clock?"
Assistant
"Long as you understand I might not answer them."
Centuria Jigsaw
"Right. Well, how did you end up with this job, where you're having to listen to people from all over the universe and not even know if your advice could save them?
Assistant
"I guess my fun fact wasn't fun enough to remember...."
Centuria Jigsaw
"naw, you did say you were born with it, but like... why? That guy's stranded. zero chance of making it to this planet, and I figure he's going to keep asking you for help, that you can't even really action."
Centuria Jigsaw
"I can't fault you at all for not offering comfort, that's not your job and if you've been doing this since you were born? Eesh that would chip fast, you'd go crazy in no time."
Assistant
"Not all anomalies are punishment based. Some people are born with anomalous traits, usually not overly harmful. Some people can fly, others summon fire with their minds...."
Assistant
2025-01-02 19:12:01
Assistant Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:12:09
"....and I, got the anomalous event hotline. Joyous."
Assistant
"If you told me it was a personally directed blessing, I'd believe you though. All I do is get the most mundane of the mundane."
Centuria Jigsaw
"...Just Rng's churnings, huh. idk man, I guess, like, it made sense when you could actually send someone out to help, but... if you're having to field these calls, and whatever advice you give these stranded folks really won't change their fate cuz if it's not this anomaly that gets them, it's the next one..."
Centuria Jigsaw
"feels like you've been forced to play some real badly-designed game, is all. I dunno, if it were me, I'd try make my own fun at that point."
Centuria Jigsaw
"so it's probably for the best then, that it's you fielding these calls and not me! I'd uh still like to party up again though if you'll have me."
Assistant
"It's a horrible job. Boring, and also takes up time I could be spending doing something else."
Assistant
"But. It's my job......"
Assistant
".....Maybe I was blessed by someone specifically...." She says to herself.
Centuria Jigsaw
(Oh um also. if you can read my thoughts, i'm wondering if i could take that water cooler. I think the fish in my pocket is Suffering and I left my capture creature cages at home)
Assistant
"Anyway. Thank you for helping. I'll make sure to call you again if I need help. Though don't expect this to be a daily job."
Assistant
"I'm the only one in the universe willing to suffer so much for absolutely no reason."
Assistant
"By the way, I know this sounds random, but someone stole the water cooler bottle last week and we still haven't found out who."
Assistant
"If you find any giant water bottle thieves, make sure to report them to the front office."
Assistant
("That's me.")
Centuria Jigsaw
2025-01-02 19:16:37
Centuria Jigsaw Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-01-02 19:34:42
"You're most welcome, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go have a meltdown that is super duper not your problem over some recent revelations that have come to light. And/or go looking for that water bottle thief for you."
Centuria Jigsaw
"Ggwp!"
No one is typing.
Back
Next