STORY

STORY

FOOL'S WEDDING
[Waltz of the Meatball Man]
2024-12-30 14:44:38
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:06:47

Marriage, it was beautiful. Two souls in perfect harmony, getting a legal document as a trophy of their hardship and struggle. Proof of the fact that love wins.

Dave
2024-12-30 14:44:55
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:06:59
"I CAN'T WAIT FOR OUR HOLY MATRIMONY. AN ART BETWEEN LOVE AND LAW. OUR LOVE IS TRUE AND THIS IS MERELY PROOF!"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:45:03
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:32:05
"THAT DAY I MET YOU ON XENO PETS I KNOW MY LOVE WAS TRUE EVEN IF MY WORDS WERE NOT. I KNEW THAT IF YOU TRULY LOVED ME YOU WOULD LOOK PAST ALL APPERANCES AND LOOK DEEP WITHIN MY EYES. THAT OUR SECOND MARRIAGE WOULDN'T GO THE WAY THE LAST HAD!"
"This is the happiest day of my life..!"
"I can't wait until the main event. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:46:03
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:07:31
"The marriage?"
"Yes, the marriage, silly. OwO"
Idiot
2024-12-30 14:46:44
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:07:53
"...Wait. Isn't it bad luck to see each other before we're on the altar..?"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:47:06
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:08:09
"Bad luck isn't real. What did you do with my husband."
"THE MARRIAGE!"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:48:32
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:08:44
"Ah yes the marriage. Even if you aren't my husband, it's been my dream to be married for... at least three days! I cannot WAIT! the ring upon my finger, love in the air!"
"I'm sure it'll last longer than last time..! OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:48:56
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:08:54
"You sound like my ex-wife."
Idiot
2024-12-30 14:49:18
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 14:49:34
...
Idiot
2024-12-30 14:49:24
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 14:49:44
:(
"I CANNOT WAIT FOR OUR MARRIAGE!"
"You two assholes! What are you doing?!?"
"...getting... married..??? OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 14:51:03
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:09:07
"IT'S BEAUTIFUL ISN'T IT!"
Idiot
2024-12-30 14:50:49
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:09:19
"Don't talk to my (future non-ex) husband like that. OwO"
Ray
2024-12-30 14:55:10
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:09:46
"Stop looking at each other like that, that's not how the wedding is supposed to go!" Ray, who is much smaller than his usual self, holds up a thick book on weddings.
"Get the fuck to your dressing rooms and start looking pretty. You know the kind of shit that could happen if you fuck this up?"
Ray flips through the book. "Cause I sure don't."
"my ex wife-"
"MY EX-WIFE."
Idiot nods at ray and rushes off to his dressing room. "Don't forget to go get dressed, darling! OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 15:01:55
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:11:00
"I won't, don't worry future non-ex-husband!"
Elizabeth
2024-12-30 14:56:50
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:11:00
Elizabeth wanders into the wedding carrying a gift basket full of expired exotic nuts, followed closely by her best friend who happens to be a mushroom. A half-forgotten tune drifts through her head - something about raining on a wedding day?
"Ah, what a beautiful event. This'll be fun."
Ray looks around. "Ok, which one of you is the small baby girl?"
"You did bring the small baby girl, right?"
Dave
2024-12-30 15:02:27
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:11:09
"I brought my son!"
Idiot?
2024-12-30 15:02:47
Idiot? Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 15:08:18
Despite having run off, it appears Idiot is still just, standing there, staring at Ray and Dave.
Ray
2024-12-30 15:03:08
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:11:39
"You fucking idiot! When you signed up for this wedding it said on the requirements: "Small baby girl"! It won't work if it's a boy! I already brought the baby boy!"
"Keki." Snitch is larger than Ray now, though not longer.
Idiot?
2024-12-30 15:03:32
Idiot? Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 15:08:25
chitter chitter.
Dave
2024-12-30 15:03:58
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:12:38
"Well... maybe we can ask one of the guests if they have a spare child they would be willing to give up."
"Look. I need you two to go do that."
"But don't you dare kiss or even look at each other while doing it."
Idiot?
2024-12-30 15:06:16
Idiot? Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 15:08:30
the duplicate Idiot just turns to stare at Ray, cocking his head to the side.
Dave
2024-12-30 15:06:35
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:12:54
"You aren't my husband."
Idiot?
2024-12-30 15:06:46
Idiot? Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-30 15:08:41
"hmmmm =)"
Dave
2024-12-30 15:07:00
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:13:09
Dave goes to try and harass guests about any spare children they have on hand.
"Wait a minute, are you getting married to two men?"
Idiot?
2024-12-30 15:08:03
Idiot? Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:13:46
the spare Idiot just starts wandering around, humming at the guests like a weird person.
"Creator, fucking damn it! This ain't no poly fucking event. Monogamy only!"
Idiot
2024-12-30 15:09:40
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:14:37
Luckily, the actual Idiot returns in his gown, making sure not to look in Dave's general direction. "OH! No, that's my dog! OwO"
The Creator rolls a 20 sided die. A 1 is rolled.

As soon as Ray finishes his sentence, a bolt of lightning lashes out, hitting the tailmic, killing it instantly.

Ray
2024-12-30 15:11:15
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:14:51
"BOSS. NOT LITERALLY!"
"Well at least that solves the polygamy issue."
Dave
2024-12-30 15:11:49
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:15:03
"my heart is true! I knew that WRETCHED BEAST was not my husband!"
"MY FUCKING DOG.....! OwO"
Taska
2024-12-30 15:19:23
Taska Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:15:18
"Ah. Poor thing. On your wedding day too. Sorry for your loss, friend."
Idiot is inconsolable.
Elizabeth
2024-12-30 15:19:35
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:15:37
Elizabeth was about to do a polite curtsey to the tailmic as it wandered up near her - aaaaand it was promptly struck by lightning.
"Eugh. Oh dear. And not a cloud in the sky, either!"
"Curious!"
"Ooooh! How lucky! It doesn't strike the same place twice, you know, so now you must be super duper safe!"
"Of course! I'm sure it can't get much worse than this."
"Surely?"
Idiot
2024-12-30 15:24:51
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:16:26
Idiot sadly pours a sparkling grape juice (he forgot his ID at home) on the corpse of his dog. "Rest in peace, Moron, you were dearly loved... OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 15:22:13
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:16:26
Dave was, in fact, quite happy.
Dave
2024-12-30 15:25:08
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:16:51
However, realizing he was at a wedding - his own, in fact - he decided to get dressed.
Ray
2024-12-30 15:25:27
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:17:03
Realizing that these two bozos completely forgot their mission of the hour, Ray walks through the guests. "Ok, which one of you has a baby girl you can lend us?"
Idiot
2024-12-30 15:25:39
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:17:17
"...I thought a baby boy would have worked....? Dave brought his son.. owo.."
"Shoot! I forgot to include one in the refreshments. I knew I was missing something."
Ray
2024-12-30 15:26:26
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:17:42
"Both of them are damn stupid. I literally told you I have the baby boy. I SPECIFICALLY asked you to bring a baby girl."
"I'M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A FAILURE.... OmO.."
"I don't have any baby girls, unfortunately, unless you count my dog." Taska points to their blort, Kugelblitz.
Elizabeth
2024-12-30 15:27:38
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:18:08
"I don't happen to have any children on hand, unfortunately. Oh - perhaps I can see if there's one around! I'll be right back." Elizabeth goes to search the area for any convenient baby girls.
Elizabeth rolls a 20 sided die. An 11 is rolled.
2024-12-30 15:28:40
Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-03-07 19:42:09

Elizabeth thinks this is a baby girl......

Should she keep looking?

Elizabeth looks at it for a long moment.

Yoink. She picks it up and waves it around at Ray. "Would this work?"
Ray blinks. He has no idea what gender that thing is. "Is it a She/Her?"
"Sure!"
Idiot continues to be a blubbery mess, mourning his tailmic.
Ray
2024-12-30 15:34:35
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:18:31
"Then it's baby girl enough. Give it the flower basket and hand it over to the more feminine of the two."
Ray
2024-12-30 15:34:43
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:18:41
Ray looks between the two wed-to-bes.
"Which one of you is more She/Her?"
Dave
2024-12-30 15:35:12
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:18:58
Coming out of the dressing room, in glitz and glamor in all his glory, is Dave.
He pauses his mourning to think for a moment, unsure. "mmmm.... I'm.... not entirely sure..... OwO...."
"Ok, we'll have a vote."
"Wedding guests. Which one of these is more girlish to you?"
He cleans his face up a bit so they guests had a better time judging the two.
Dave does no such thing.
"Crying like a small child is a traditionally feminine trait, is it not? I vote the one that isn't wearing a stopsign."
"I think I too vote for Idiot."
"The one on the right?"
"Which one is the one on the right? Is it the crybaby?"
"Yep! The one in the dress!"
"Well I think that decides it! Congratulations on your new child." Elizabeth hands the...thing... over to Idiot.
"...we're both in dresses... OwO"
"They're both in dresses....."
"Wait, one of yous is supposed to be in a tux!"
"Are you sure? It looked more like a mumu to me..."
"Creator damn you! Where is your tux?"
The Creator rolls a 20 sided die. A 6 is rolled.

Idiot is zapped into an black and gold tiger striped tux.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DRESS...!? OwO"
"Hm- Does that invalidate this 'idiot' being the she/her?"
"................................."
"You. Dave. You're the "she/her" vibed one now. We can't keep delaying this shit." Ray hobbles over to Dave and holds out the baby girl. "Remember. You wait till the groom walks out first."
"I'm a baby girl." Says the baby girl.
Idiot
2024-12-30 22:45:36
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:20:07
Idiot wipes the already-smeared makeup off his face to further fit his new role of groom. "...What do I do? OwO"
Dave
2024-12-30 22:45:52
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:20:16
Dave, the groom, is just standing there sort of absent-mindedly.
"Did any of you read the wedding manual at all?" Ray rubs his forhead, and tries to pick up Snitch, but Snitch has become too heavy, and Ray too weak. ".......You take this baby boy, and he's going to walk with the rings. Don't worry. He's a pro at this."
"You brought the rings....right?"
Snitch looks at Idiot, hoping that he brought the rings.
Idiot
2024-12-30 22:47:47
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:20:40
"...I did have them, I don't know where they are..." He mutters, digging through his new suit, eventually finding them and handing them to Snitch. "Here they are. OwO"

It's a pair of onion rings.
"Hey I thought I was supposed to be on appetizers!"
"At least use the dip..."
Ray takes a deep breath of his cig.
"We're fucked." he walks away with no other comment, as the wedding ceremony begins.
[Most Popular Wedding Songs | Romantic Music | Wedding Music]
Elizabeth takes her seat, quietly gossiping with her friend, who is cackling at the whole display. Or maybe she's just a bird.
Beeper is munching on their cekeki in the back row.
Taska is waiting ever so patiently for the ceremony to begin.
The Creator walks down the aisle only to find the entire event in utter disarray. Nothing was prepared correctly. This machine will not work correctly at this rate. He shoots Ray a hateful glance, as if this was all his fault.
("Boss. I swear on my life and on Snitch's life. This ain't passive aggression for using me as a battery. We truly picked the two worst people for this nonsense. Not one of them brought a baby girl.")
The Creator
2024-12-31 14:07:22
The Creator Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:21:24
("What about that?") The Creator points to Dave and Idiot's """Child."""
("Nah that's a baby boy.")
The Creator rubs his temple. ("Ray! The gender of these people doesn't matter! The pronouns in the book is an example. You should know this. We married two men together last time!")
"....................................................."
("Look man I don't know what to say. I reassigned all these pronouns for nuthin' I guess. We even found a baby girl.")
("How do you "find" a baby girl.....")
("You're about to find out I guess.")
Dave
2024-12-31 14:10:48
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:21:44
Dave walks down the aisle.
The baby girl follows behind Dave, dumping flowers all over the place.
("RAY THAT IS NOT A BABY GIRL. WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT THING!?!?!")
("Oh so Mr. Pronouns don't matter. Suddenly "She" ain't a "Baby Girl." I see how it is!")
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:13:10
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:22:13
IDIOT HAS BEEN HERE THIS WHOLE TIME. I DIDN'T FORGET.
Elizabeth is looking perfectly innocent.
HE'S STANDING LIKE A NORMAL GROOM AT THE ALTAR OR WHATEVER.
Dave
2024-12-31 14:14:08
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:22:37
His dress flowing behind him as he walked, Dave arrived at the altar, his veil over his face.
Snitch
2024-12-31 14:13:48
Snitch Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:22:49
Snitch has no idea when Idiot made it to the altar but rushes forward with the rings late!
("RAY THAT IS A MON-") Creator spots the rings from the corner of his eyes.
"Are those onion rings?"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:17:55
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:23:04
He whispers to Snitch, "sorry...! owo"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:18:08
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:23:31
"Uh, yeah, they are. Dave and I love onion rings almost as much as each other. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:18:21
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:24:28
"Are you saying our love isn't worth at least $3.99 at Galaxy Burger? Because it is. Onion rings are priceless."
The Creator sighs. He makes no comment other than to tell Ray and Snitch to "whatever you do, don't move no matter what happens."
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here tonight to join this man and this woman(Ray Assigned) in holy matrimony."
The Creator looks to Idiot. "Idiot, do you take this woman(?) to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:19:24
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:24:59
...he very faintly whispers "owo." under his breath.
He then looks to Dave. "Dave, do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:20:39
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:25:31
Dave puts a hand to his face, bashful, also whispering under his breath. ("He's the woman.")
Dave
2024-12-31 14:20:50
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:25:41
"I do!"
("WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S THE WOMAN. HE'S IN THE TUX?!?")
Ray
2024-12-31 14:21:38
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:27:24
("Oh I see, Mr. Pronouns don't matter. Women can't wear tuxes all of a sudden? Wow.")
Dave
2024-12-31 14:21:20
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:27:13
("I think a god did that...")
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:21:51
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:27:45
Idiot just watches everyone whisper to each other. ("...I, uh... mister, we said "we do". OwO")
The Creator is Devastated that he messed up his own ritual. He fumes. Shaking his head in anger as electricity crackles from his horns.....and then suddenly.
He stops, much like a malfunctioning machine.
"He's rebooting. Give him a few moments. He doesn't have an SSD. Try not to do anything stupid while we wait."
".....okay. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:25:16
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:28:24
"I think the pastor died!" Dave says in a cheery tone. He can't help but smile while looking at his husband.
...soon non ex husband.
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:25:41
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:28:47
Idiot returns the smile.
Dave
2024-12-31 14:26:05
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:29:04
"Since we didn't really get to do vows, do you want to start while the pastor reboots?"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:26:26
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:29:19
"..Didn't we just do vows? OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:26:13
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:29:29
"I'll start."
Elizabeth is whispering to her mushbird, watching with excitement.

("Isn't there supposed to be a 'if anyone objects' moment? I always see those on TV. Oh, wouldn't it be dreadful if there was a dramatic confrontation just as these two are about to be wed?")
Dave
2024-12-31 14:27:00
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:30:41
"When I first saw you I was enamored, I felt my heart stop then I had to punch my self in the chest a few times to get it started again. My love for you was endless and I do think it still is and I'm happy that my son will in fact have a mother now! You make me complete just like my BITCH OF AN EX WIFE did, but she's probably gone off and died!"
Ray
2024-12-31 14:27:26
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 14:28:10
Ray looks to Snitch, having given up on this wedding working. "You want to eat the meal over there?"
2024-12-31 14:28:03
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:31:11

The cekeki was resting on the table. It was not meant to be a meal; it just enjoyed the coolness of the plated surface.

Snitch considers for a moment, then agrees.
Ray
2024-12-31 14:29:25
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:31:24
Ray and Snitch leave the altar to eat the cekeki on the dining table.
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:29:36
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:31:39
Idiot looks at the ringbearer and..... whatever Ray was supposed to be, as they walked away.
"Also those were lovely vows, Dave. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:30:29
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:33:09
"Even if my love was true my words were not, and yet you looked past all deceit! You even looked past the fact I was not a beautiful aftik woman, with my beautiful feathers and being in fact a woman, as I claimed to be!"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:30:39
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:33:35
"And of course, the 20,000 XENOPOINT fee of our first divorce!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:30:50
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:33:51
"I didn't mind paying it out of pocket, just so we could get an even better wedding after! OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:31:20
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:34:02
"I thought I paid."
"...."
"I guess that's why this wedding was so good! OwO"
Beeper perks up at the aftik mention and then goes back to get more food at the banquet table.
Dave
2024-12-31 14:32:07
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:34:23
"I DIDN'T MARRY YOU FOR YOUR FINANCES AFTER ALL."
"Me neither! OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:32:41
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:34:49
"Regardless of your lack of XENOPET wealth, I will still love you to the end of your days!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:32:56
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:34:58
"...Don't you mean 'our'? OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:32:45
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:35:42
"YOURS NOW."
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:33:10
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:35:29
"oh, uhh.... I.. like your face, it's super cool. You make me very happy and I'm glad you don't care about how poor I am in Xenopets. OwO"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:33:26
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:36:25
"I'm also happy you were willing to get married a second time. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:33:36
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:36:25
"I've never shown you my face. Do you really love me."
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:34:56
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:37:42
"Y- Your.. stop sign. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:35:05
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:38:05
"Ough! You're too sweet! Also I don't have a face, this is my face!"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:35:13
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:38:32
"Why do you want to see under my face? I've got nothing there. What are you, a cop?"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:35:40
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:39:22
"I'VE ALWAYS LOVED THE LAW! SO IF YOU ARE...THE BETTER FOR OUR MARRIAGE THEN!!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:35:22
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:38:59
"I don't want to..? I was complimenting the stop sign. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:35:47
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:39:35
"You sure?"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:36:08
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:39:44
"I think I'm an investigator or something. OwO"
2024-12-31 14:34:23
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:37:26

At the dining table, a fight as broken out over who gets to eat the cekeki. A large female yoyogi growls and thrashes, trying to scare them off.

Idiot's attention is then grabbed by the Yoyogi fighting the cekekis. "...ooh, cool dog..! OwO"
"DO YOU THINK THAT DOG IS COOLER THEN ME."
"Not at all, honeybunches with oats..! OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:37:14
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:40:26
"NEVER CALL ME THAT EVER AGAIN."
Dave
2024-12-31 14:37:04
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:40:20
"I am but your husband, dear wife! I am the coolest dog there is!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:37:44
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:40:51
"Okay. owo"
Beeper grabs a plateful of [Suspicious Meat] from the cekeki. They only came here to eat, and some dumb lizard isn't going to stop them.

Beeper is able to grab a leg from the cekeki, as well as some of its guts, which look like potatoes and gravy. The cekeki is suffering.

Dave
2024-12-31 14:37:55
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:41:44
"Husband, I think our marriage will lead us both to good places! We will find rest within each others hearts, and our words will start forest fires! Just generally, not of love or anything, but if it was a forest fire of love it would be the biggest and brightest!"
"I agree wholeheartedly. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:39:08
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:42:02
"Wife."
Dave
2024-12-31 14:39:18
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:42:11
"Xenopets partner..."
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:39:30
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:42:20
"All of the above. OwO"
Dave
2024-12-31 14:39:43
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:42:28
"Neither."
Dave
2024-12-31 14:39:55
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:42:39
"Trick question! Stop sign!"
The Creator finally reboots. He seems utterly confused about where he is or what he is doing, but he can see that his last opened file was a wedding script. He takes a look around. The wedding is in shambles. Not a single thing was done right. The god machine was incorrectly fueled. He shrugs. He might as well get this over with.
"By virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife."
"You may kiss the bride."
Idiot
2024-12-31 14:41:07
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:43:07
Idiot leans forwards and gives Dave a little smooch, approximately where he thinks a mouth would be if Dave had one.
Dave
2024-12-31 14:41:21
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:43:17
Dave headbutts Idiot lovingly.
2024-12-31 14:41:39
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 14:43:03
[Dead Space soundtrack - The Leviathan]
The ground rumbles. The sky turns an awful bright BLUE. The machine ritual has failed. A failing ritual for a god machine often leads to catastrophic failures.
2024-12-31 14:44:12
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 14:44:35

"Ooooowwooooooo!" A terrible beast came out of the BLUE sky. It was miles long, taller than even the biggest skyscraper. It twisted in the air to view the disgusting city before putting its arms together in prayer.

Snitch was about to flee, but Ray places a hand on him. He doesn't speak. All he remembers is that the Creator told him and Snitch specifically to not move.
"...WHAT."
Dave
2024-12-31 14:55:11
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:51:37
JUST THEN! IN DAVE'S EYES ALONE, A WOMAN BURSTS THROUGH THE DOORS!
Dave
2024-12-31 14:56:48
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:52:16
"YOU BITCH! WHY ARE YOU HERE!" Dave shouts, to what seems to everyone else is no one in particular.
Dave
2024-12-31 14:57:12
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:52:29
THEN HE PULLS SOMETHING OUT FROM UNDER THE ALTAR.
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 3 is rolled.
Absurd
2024-12-31 14:56:14
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:50:27

A bell toils in the minds of everyone who can see the beast.

Sharon (Dave) entry is subpar.

Dave
2024-12-31 14:58:38
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:53:13
DAVE'S EX WIFE SHARON. LOOK AT HER. SHE EVEN WORE A WHITE DRESS AND A VEIL!
Dave
2024-12-31 14:58:45
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:53:37
Dave screams at the stop sign: "I TOLD YOU TO NEVER COME AROUND ME OR MY FAMILY AGAIN!"
Idiot immediately abandons the altar to grab the cekeki and try to lead the yoyogi away.
Idiot rolls a 20 sided die. A 12 is rolled.

Idiot is able to grab the cekeki meal. The other cekekis have stopped moving. The yoyogi looks on in interest.

Elizabeth
2024-12-31 14:54:48
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:54:01
"MAZEL TOV! Here's to the happy couple. I hope you two live long and prosperous lives."
Elizabeth rolls a 20 sided die. A 10 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:00:41
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 15:00:48

The drattle's wish of good luck has cast a minor amount of bad luck on the couple. -3 to the next roll for both of them.

"Wow, she was really quick to abandon her husband in his time of need. How dramatic!"
Dave
2024-12-31 15:01:23
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:54:34
In a high pitched voice, slightly similar to Dave's for no particular reason, Sharon says in her DASTARDLY TONE "I loved you!"
Dave
2024-12-31 15:01:57
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:54:53
"YOU NEVER LOVED ME." Dave stares into her beautiful yet damning RED eyes and her RED body because she is red, akin to him. They were lovers once...
Dave
2024-12-31 15:03:47
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:55:46
"IM SORRY MY TRUE LOVE! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT YOU!"
Idiot
2024-12-31 15:01:40
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:55:46
Idiot leads the yoyogi away, very terrified of the thing above them.
Idiot rolls a 20 sided die. A 12 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:02:58
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:56:03

Idiot is able to lead the yoyogi away.

A bell toils.
Idiot is now everyone's enemy, and a [punching bag].

Idiot is no longer a friend of Snitch.
Ray
2024-12-31 15:03:59
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 15:04:12
Ray keeps holding back Snitch.
Ray rolls a 20 sided die. A 17 is rolled.
Snitch is sucessfully contained!
"ITS OK MY BELOVED! I JUST NEED SOME HELP MY DARLING BABY HONEY BUNCHES!"
Dave
2024-12-31 15:06:15
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:56:38
"WITH WHAT, MY DARLING!?"
Idiot
2024-12-31 15:06:33
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:56:59
Idiot hops on the yoyogi's back and tells it to run away as fast as it can, trying to feed it the rest of the cekeki.

Idiot tells the yoyogi to run, but the yoyogi is angered, for Idiot is the enemy!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 12 is rolled.

It chomps down on Idiot! (8/20)

Dave
2024-12-31 15:07:47
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:58:09
"KILLING THIS LOUSY HUSBAND OF MINE." Dave grabs Sharon lovingly, and starts SPRINTING after Idiot, Sharon in hand, held like the battle axe she was to his heart!

After she left? He didn't know what he would do... he went onto XENOPETS to try and soothe himself but he found nothing.... except that dastardly (wo)man!
Dave
2024-12-31 15:07:57
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:58:18
but now that she's back... HE IS COMPLETE!
Idiot
2024-12-31 15:08:14
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:58:31
"FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!" Idiot gives up and sprints away.
Dave rolls a 20 sided die. A 1 is rolled.
Idiot rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of -3. A 9 is rolled.

Idiot escapes Dave's attack! Dave accidently attacks himself with his own stop sign!

Dave rolls a 20 sided die. A 1 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:09:49
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 16:59:30

Lightning strikes down the stop sign from the sky. The stop sign wasn't really a person.

Until now.

The stop sign jumps away from Dave. Wiggling in anomalous ways, before taking to the air, and coming down on Dave with extra force!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. A 22 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:11:25
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 15:11:32

Dave is instantly killed by the stop sign anomaly. But, the stop sign, Dave, and everyone there, had [Apostate]. Dave would be revived by the stop sign.


And then it attacked him again.

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 12 is rolled.
Absurd
2024-12-31 15:12:27
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:00:18

And Dave dies again. For his revival did not give him much health, but as an [Apostate], the sign revives him once more.

He chokes back to life. Bells toiling in his head as he can only see that terrible monster above.

Absurd
2024-12-31 15:13:40
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:01:26
Dave's bones crack in unnatural ways as he stands back up, his stop sign shattered once more. "I KNEW YOU WOULD BETRAY ME!"

He goes for the throat because she, apparently, has one now?
2024-12-31 15:13:57
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:01:48

While Dave is being revived, His wounds are not undone. His midsection is mush as he attacks.

Dave rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of -10. A -6 is rolled.

He splatters against the anomalous stop sign, which once again strikes him back.

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. A 12 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:14:58
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 15:15:28

Killing him again, and again. Soon Dave is not much else than a sentient blob of gore and blood angered by his failures.

Elizabeth was having a really good time but this is starting to get a bit much. "Hm."
Dave
2024-12-31 15:19:49
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:02:35
Having no mouth to speak, he did not. Having no arms to attack, he did not. But he did not give up. He was full of rage.
Taska rubs the back of their neck. "This is starting to get really weird." They motion to leave.
Taska rolls a 20 sided die. A 5 is rolled.
Absurd
2024-12-31 15:20:47
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:03:19

Taska attempts to leave, but slips on Dave, falling into a gross puddle of Dave.

Dave is killed in the incident, but this doesn't matter. For the foul beast above had given everyone [Apostate]. Taska, without thinking, revives Dave.

Dave
2024-12-31 15:21:33
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:03:52
DAVE IS THE MOST SANE HE HAS BEEN IN YEARS. FULL OF NOTHING BUT SHEER EMOTION, HE GOES TO KILL HIS BITCH OF AN EX-WIFE IN ANY WAY HE CAN. HE CURSES THE GODS FOR MAKING HIM THIS WAY.
Dave rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of -10. A 7 is rolled.

Dave's organs and blood leap onto the anomalous Stop sign that he calls his ex-wife, trying to consume her. He damages her slightly.

"Sorry for falling... in you..." Taska apologizes awkwardly to the puddle of Dave.
Having been called out of his containment in the basement for "Something madness related" Azathoth approches the wedding.
Azathoth
2024-12-31 15:22:58
Azathoth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:04:32
He finds himself shocked and disgusted by the horrors unfolding. And not only was it affecting this wedding hall, but the surrounding city too. Those who moved would be consumed by an anger, a hate for life, and yet a never-ending need for it.
Azathoth
2024-12-31 15:23:07
Azathoth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:04:52
He tries to ask if everyone's ok, but the tape he had wrapped his mouth with reminds him that he's never allowed to speak to mortals - lest they go mad.
Well....madder in this case.
Dave
2024-12-31 15:24:07
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:05:19
ITS MANY EYEBALLS LOOK AT THE NEW PLAYER ON THE BOARD. THEY GO BACK TO TRYING TO MURDER ITS EX-WIFE TO DEATH.
RAGE.
Dave rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of -10. A -4 is rolled.
Absurd
2024-12-31 15:26:18
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:05:39

Dave splatters against the stop sign, killing himself in the process while doing no damage.

His liver is fractured, his kidneys abolished, and his spleen decimated.

The bell tolls a hundred more times. The beast is joyful.

HE DOES NOT STOP HIS FRUITLESS EFFORTS. HE WILL KILL HIS WIFE.
EX-WIFE.
Elizabeth
2024-12-31 15:24:56
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:06:10
Elizabeth notices the newcomer. "Ah, hello! Lovely day, isn't it?"
Azathoth clicks his beak. He uses the power of the UNKNOWN to remove the forbidden knowledge that has been given to the people of the city.

Everyone loses [Apostate], and [Public Enemy]!
Absurd
2024-12-31 15:28:01
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:06:32
The beast, angered by its art being ruined by Azathoth, swings down to meet him. Its giant eye dwarfs the wedding hall, filling it with a sickly red light.
Elizabeth briefly makes eye contact with the beast, before glancing away. The color was oddly comforting despite the situation.
Idiot
2024-12-31 15:30:31
Idiot Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:07:16
Idiot slowly comes back, very much avoiding looking up at the beast as he stared at the puddle of Dave.
REGARDLESS OF THE EFFECTS OF THE BEAST OR LACK THEREOF IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THAT IT WAS ABOUT REVENGE. HE GOES TO ATTACK HIS EX-WIFE KNOWING VERY WELL IT MAY BE HIS LAST.
Dave rolls a 20 sided die. An 18 is rolled.

Dave attacks his wife. Consuming her whole. Dave has finally defeated the anomalous monster that had followed him for most of his life.

Beeper offers the beast a snack. It must be starving with all this food around. Sharing is caring!

The [Suspicious Meat].
Beeper rolls a 20 sided die. A 1 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:31:19
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2024-12-31 15:32:27
Idiot pokes the yoyogi to see if it still hates him.
Idiot rolls a 20 sided die. An 8 is rolled.

The yoyogi doesn't even notice Idiot. It's screaming and running away.

Absurd
2024-12-31 15:33:11
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:08:24

It's soo clear to all of them why. Beeper's offer of meat had lured the BEAST. Ray, Creator, and Snitch had already made their move, as soon as Azathoth removed their mental bindings and forbidden knowledge.

As the monster opened its mouth, everyone's vision became nothing but RED.
Beeper flips a 2 sided coin. A 1 is flipped.
Dave flips a 2 sided coin. A 2 is flipped.
Idiot flips a 2 sided coin. A 1 is flipped.
Taska flips a 2 sided coin. A 2 is flipped.
Elizabeth
2024-12-31 15:37:45
Elizabeth Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:09:04
"Eugh!" Elizabeth picks up her mushbird and throws it towards the mouth of the beast, hoping its poison would deter the beast from eating her.

Espartzia looks back at Elizabeth with hate. She thought both of them were....you know what. It doesn't matter. If this was her fate. Fine. She thinks hybrids are subpar lowly beasts anyway.

Elizabeth rolls a 3 sided die. A 3 is rolled.
Absurd
2024-12-31 15:39:57
Absurd Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:10:17

The BEAST doesn't eat Elizabeth, believing her to be the mushbird.

When all is done. The BEAST has eaten Beeper, Idiot, and Espartzia.

It flies around the city for a few seconds, opening its mouth to devour a few unlucky souls in its path. Like a whale eating krill. It swirls back into the sky, the BLUE disappearing as it does.

"Ah, damn, I liked that one. Oh well- She would've done the same in my place."
"Well! Lovely wedding, good show! I'll be heading out now." Elizabeth brushes herself off, and moves to quickly make her leave.
The yoyogi flips a 2 sided coin. A 2 is flipped.

The yoyogi is too traumatized to move.

Taska
2024-12-31 15:41:54
Taska Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:10:36
"What a day! I think that's enough for me." Taska goes to grab the yoyogi and leave.
Taska rolls a 20 sided die. A 5 is rolled.

Taska slips on Dave's blood again. He hits his head on the floor and is knocked out. What terrible luck!


Dave
2024-12-31 15:42:14
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:11:06
DAVE ISN'T FINISHED. IS THIS ALL HE GETS? After his YEARS OF SACRIFICE? He isn't done.
Dave
2024-12-31 15:43:12
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:11:17
DAVE TRIES TO REFORM HIS SHAPE. IF HE MUST STICK TO SHARON'S DASTARDLY FIGURE, SO BE IT.
The Creator
2024-12-31 15:43:30
The Creator Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:11:36
Dave is unable to reform his shape. He is nothing but a pile of living, suffering blood and guts.

The Creator re-enters the room and stares at Dave. "Do you need assistance with your form?"
Dave
2024-12-31 15:43:42
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:11:53
Wow, the pastor is so polite! Dave can't speak but he tries to form... SOME sembalance of words.
Dave
2024-12-31 15:43:50
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:12:02
.... HE CAN'T.
"No need to speak. No one shall suffer in My Heaven." The Creator whistles. The ground shakes once more.
Life has been summoned.
Life rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +20. A 30 is rolled.
2024-12-31 15:44:54
Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:12:29

Dave is shot with a beam of light. His organs reform, but he is still only a living pile of organs.

The Creator
2024-12-31 15:45:32
The Creator Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:12:40
"Ugh. Hit him again. Seeing his....skin bubbling to the surface like that is sickening."
"It's like when your hot chocolate forms a skin because you left it out for too long."
Dave
2024-12-31 15:46:02
Dave Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:13:01
He isn't done. He goes for THE THROAT OF THE CLOSEST CREATURE. AND IT SEEMS LIFE IS ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.

DAVE JUMPS OUT A FREAKING WINDOW LIKE AN IDIOT.

I GUESS?

Dave rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +20. A 31 is rolled.

DAVE SPLATTERS ON THE GROUND AND MOTHER FUCKING DIES BY EXCATLY HITTING 31 HP.

"I FORGOT TO CATCH HIM BUT I THINK HE WAS TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF SO IT'S OK."
"Well that was a terrible event."
"What was that thing that came from the sky? It was so powerful."
The Creator
2024-12-31 15:48:51
The Creator Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:13:39
"When Good and Evil battled, their blood fell across the universe. Most of these bits of blood became nothing major. Minor deities of small things, such as the sound of a single word."
"But....very rarely....there were a few that got more than just a speck of blood. Some...were more like small puddles."
"While not as powerful as a Limbo god at its full power.....it is....how do I say this?"
"Terrifying."
The Creator
2024-12-31 15:49:36
The Creator Profile
Posted by ID #118
Last edit: 2025-07-20 17:14:17
"I had hoped to use this wedding to power the machine, to shoot many of these "sub deities" out of the universe, but the failures just caused it to act as a beacon. For the safety of our plans. I say we don't try that again, and just allow them to roam the endless wastes unbothered."
END OF EXPO
No one is typing.