STORY

STORY

SEARCHING FOR FEY WISDOM
[Walking the Wood - Cultist Simulator]
????
2025-09-20 19:18:58
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 19:19:53
"IF I HAD KNOW THIS DUMB STUPID PLANET DIDN'T HAVE ELECTRICITY I WOULDN'T HAVE LIED AND SAID I WAS A REINCARNATED WIZARD!!!!!" The young wizard of House Drakken whines within a forgotten tower filled to the brim with olden books.
"Kitten, I warned you this wasn't a good idea." The first of her two father sighs.
"Hey, that gonna stop you? Just sayin', kiddo, they still believed you." Her dad reaches over, rustling her hair.
"Thanks for believing in me, dad the second, but they're going to stop believing in me now that I can't just look up facts online."
"And then we're both going to be SUPER FUCKING DEAD! UGH!" The child grabs one of the books, opening it. Pages after pages of old herbal remedies and spells were laid out, but it was all written in old vampwelf tongue. Useless to her.
"We've only gotten this far because dad the second had that big stash of weed he brought with him....."
????
2025-09-20 19:29:04
???? Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 02:37:20
"But we're FUCKED the moment we run out of weed to put into the 'spells and potions.'"
"Yeah, i'unno if the stash is gonna get us outta this one, kid."
The larger notail picks up a dusty book, turning it over in his hands. "...You're so pessimistic, girlie, where'd you get that from? Doubt I'd call us dead, y'just need to find someone to read all this shit."
????
2025-09-20 19:34:06
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:04:36
"Yeah, that sure would be nice dad two, but I checked with that stable boy, Timothy, and he couldn't read a bit of it. He said books weren't written like that anymore."
"Which means we'd have to go to the oldest guy around to read these, and I don't think Boris is going to let us sit in his lap and read us bedtime herbal remedies!"
The Silver Tiger flips through a few books, hoping one would be newer, but it seems all the old wizards were killed ages ago, leaving all the books unreadable. He does spot a repeating pattern though. "The Silver Tiger spots an oddity. What are these drawing of dancing creatures? They're at the start of every book."
????
2025-09-20 19:38:09
???? Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:30:46
"Dad, you need to open your ears. Those are feys!"
"YOU KNOW, THE THINGS PEOPLE CAN'T STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT! FEY THIS! FEY THAT!"
????
2025-09-20 19:39:22
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 19:39:40
"Fey makes gay people! Fey makes your back hurt! Fey killed my parents! Fey makes men into women! Fey fey fey!!!"
Fuzzy Feeling
2025-09-20 19:39:41
Fuzzy Feeling Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 02:41:53
"Hey. You can't call people that anymore, kiddo. It's an antiquated word." Fuzzy Feeling leafs through the book, suddenly interested.
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 19:41:08
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:32:15
"Well, maybe the fey had something to do with wizardry, Kitten."
"What, you think we can just WALK INTO THE WOODS AND ASK THE FEY TO HELP US!?!?"
"Wait a moment........"
"I'm a young innocent woman!"
????
2025-09-20 19:42:56
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 19:43:52
"And both of you are gay. And one of you like, gave birth to me? So like....one of you is like, Edger Drakken."
"So.....I don't think the fey can hurt us.........we can just walk into the woods all we want....."
"It's what I'm sayin'. If those old lady-wizards can do it, why wouldn't we be able to?"
He leans over to his husband, voice lowered. "(...What did she mean by that? Are the Drakkens like... known for giving birth...?)"
"The Silver Tiger thinks she means that at least one of us is trans, like Edger Drakken, but she doesn't know which one." The Silver Tiger whispers back.
"Have you heard about what they said about Edger Drakken? That he can talk to dragons because of his "Conditions." So that means one of us can also talk to dragons, the Silver Tiger guesses?"
"Oh." He pauses, taking a moment to process the comment, "...Wait. Tiger. Did you... forget that-"
Snrk. "...Actually, no yeah, I think you're on to somethin'. Maybe you should go try to talk to a dragon later."
"Baby girl." Fuzzy Feeling speaks up. "You wouldn't happen to know anybody who actually lives in the fey woods? That wasn't, y'know. Turned into a fuckin' tree or something?"
????
2025-09-20 19:55:47
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:06:42
"Mmmmm personally? No. But gatherers go and collect herbs on the edge of the forest, and they're fine."
"The Silver Tiger has seen vampwelf women on the day of resting frolic into the woods! They always come back alive!"
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 19:57:19
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 19:57:35
"But they won't tell the Silver Tiger what they're doing out there!" He says, as if offended that they do not trust him.
"They're doing what fey-touched woman do in the woods."
"Which is?"
"I DON'T KNOW!!!! This feels like something YOU SHOULD KNOW, DAD!"
"Sorry Kitten. The Silver Tiger will try harder next time to gather information."
"Either way, looks like we're going to have to go into the woods and find a fey if we DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"Maybe we can have a picnic out there!"
"I like the way you think, girlie." He tosses the aged book over his shoulder, sending it clattering to the floor in a cloud of dust. "Maybe that's what those spooky fey women are doin', Tiger. Having a big ole picnic."
"At the... edge of the murder woods. Where wizards go to turn people into trees. Yeah."
"Really? That makes sense, Bear!" The Silver Tiger tilts his head happily, failing to pick up on the sarcasm.
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 20:06:25
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:32:36
"The Silver Tiger believes that if the fey woman can survive the woods, so can we. The Silver tiger shall lead the way, to protect his Bear and Kitten from any evil that may lay within the woods!"
????
2025-09-20 20:07:08
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 20:07:20
The child whispers to Fuzzy Feeling. "Dad number 2, did you bring a gun with you? You know, just in case other dad fucks up?"
"Wouldn't be a family outing without one." He chuckles, soon following after his spirited husband.
The group are forced to walk deeper in the fey woods than they wanted to.
[Apparition - Noita]
????
2025-09-20 20:16:11
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:09:18
The fey that spot the group dance forth towards them. Hands out to give them a warm welcome and lure them, but each one stops in their tracks, fearful. They flee. The child even runs away from her parents at one point, believing that it is them who scare the fey, but even then, they flee from her in fear. "HELLO!?!?!!! I AM A NINE YEAR OLD CHILD! YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T BE SCARED OF ME!!!!" The child screams into the woods, stomping her feet.
A ring of fey surround the child. Each one chitters to the other sharply before they bound back into the darkness of the forest.
The Silver Tiger appeared in the shape of his namesake. He had hoped to use this form to scare any aggressive looking fey, but the fey were more willing to approach him than his daughter. "Kitten, maybe the stories were untrue. Maybe the fey are scared of innocent girls?"
"There's too many stories talking about the opposite for it to be true, dad!"
????
2025-09-20 20:22:08
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 20:22:18
"I just think these feys are a bunch of PUSSY CATS!"
"No, kiddo, that's your dad." Fuzzy Feeling lazily brushes aside the little fey trotting around his paws. "Think you're just coming off too strong, 'sall."
????
2025-09-20 20:29:11
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:10:27
"Coming off STRONG? These are suppose to be EVIL MAGICAL FOREST MONSTERS!!!!" A few small fey hide behind Fuzzy Feeling, one even nuzzling into his fur for comfort. When the child stomps forward, they all leap away. Like roaches they crawl around in fear and hide themselves under fallen logs.
"You know what? Whatever. That just means whatever fey we find, will be the strongest, most powerful fey of the forest!"
????
2025-09-20 20:32:37
???? Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:10:58
Trotting further into the woods, ruins of old buildings spring up. It seems like there was a settlement here once, but the forest had consumed it. The child kicks over a stone with a name worn from it, and jumps over a freshly dug hole. There seems to be a lot of these, she thinks to herself.
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 20:34:21
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 00:11:19
The Silver Tiger keeps his mouth shut, not wishing to alarm his daughter by the large grave site she marched through. "Freshly dug up graves......or new graves being made?" He thinks to himself.
A single mausoleum stood in the middle of it all, muddy tracks going to and from it. "Looks like we got some life! If a fey is in there, it's not going to escape me!" The child runs up to the doors and tries to push it open. It lays so heavy that she is forced to wait for one of her fathers to assist. "Helloooooo!! We're here to find a fey!"
The light hardly pierces the darkness of the tomb, just enough to illuminate what could have easily been mistaken as another corpse, if not for its single, glowing eye. "...Trespassers?..."
The hunched, gangly figure leers from the darkness, joints creaking as it moves. Its voice is mechanical, if slightly distorted. "You... would DARE set even a single foot upon my land? STATE YOUR NAMES! Lest you face the mad wrath..."
"OF I, GOZER V1!!!"
"I am SILVER TIGER! PROTECTOR OF THE INNOCENTS!"
"Fuzzy Feelin'. Most folks call me 'Red'."
"Heh heh......And my name is........"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 20:45:15
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:04
"Nothing."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 20:45:25
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:43
"MY PARENTS FORGOT TO FUCKING NAME ME!!!!!!!"
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 20:46:43
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 20:47:14
"The Silver Tiger honestly did not believe there was a time limit on naming. Nor did the Silver Tiger believe that they would accept a name of ""! The Silver Tiger apologizes to the unnamed daughter!"
"WHAT? ....Wait, nothing?"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 20:49:08
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:49
"Yep! And now it's like...a thing???? Like I've been unnamed so long I don't think I can go back on being nameless now!"
"I mean- E-everyone's got a name, little girl, just make something up or-"
Fuzzy Feeling pulls out the gun and aims it at Gozer v1.
"W-w-wait! I-I just, wanna know the lil' lady's name-"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 20:50:41
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:59
"Dad I know this is a really dramatic moment here, but can you stop looking like a bear? It looks weird when you hold it like that." The child whispers to her second father.
"Oh shit, sorry, kiddo." He whispers back, dropping the disguise. "Almost forgot 'bout that."
Fuzzy Feeling aims the gun at the robot once more.
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 20:53:14
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 20:53:55
"Are you a fey? You're taller than the others the Silver Tiger and his family have met!"
"A-are you people deaf? NO! I literally just said my name."
"GOZER!! V! One!"
"Uh......Well.....can a robot be a fey?"
"I- don't know?? Maybe you should ask any old robot, then? I am ABOVE mere mechanical minds!"
"Think of me more as an accomplice to the fey. The keeper of their grounds!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 20:59:42
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:18
"Ooooh I see. You're like, an old woman who lives with the fey. The Drakkens have told me about those."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:00:14
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:22
"Perfect! Then you can summon the fey for me!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:00:38
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:27
"I've been trying ALL FUCKING DAY to catch ONE FEY and they keep running away from me for some reason!"
(Did this kid just call him an old woman?...)
Silver Tiger
2025-09-20 21:01:36
Silver Tiger Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-20 21:01:42
The Silver Tiger tried teaching his daughter to not assume such things, and yet....she fails at it. The Silver Tiger silently apologizes to the robot.
The robot hunches over to speak to the unnamed child, admittedly intimidated by her fathers. "Little girl, I'll level with you. Even if I put one of the fey in your hands, what's gunna stop it from scampering back into the woods?"
"But if it's as simple as summoning a fey, why didn't you just lead with that! I am benevolent, and stuff. Surely, I can find you a suitable companion!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:07:40
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:23:08
"I'm hoping you can summon me a fey that isn't a coward!" The child demands while standing on her tip-toes to better speak to Gozer. "If you're the keeper of the feys, then you should be able to offer me one that ain't scared of me!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:08:29
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:36:44
"AND IF YOU DON'T, THEN I'M GOING TO BRING THE DRAKKEN FAMILY HERE, CONSIDERING THAT ALL THESE 'SCARY FEYS' ARE APPARENTLY TERRIFIED OF A LITTLE INNOCENT GIRL LIKE ME!"
"Kitten, I think we should be nicer to the AI. What did my father tell me.....Something about AIs being trusted immortals, or whatever. To be honest, Silver Tiger did not listen to his father much when he was a child."
"D-don't! Do that! Call the Drakken, please. N-no need, really! Shit, you're really bossy, kid-"
"I! Will summon you a fey." Gozer puts a hand to her head, pushing her slightly aside. "They roam these lands wild and free, one MUST be willing to leave with you. Now, let me see..."
The AI walks out of the mausoleum, looking around the cemetery. "(Shit, there's like a billion of these fuckin' things around here, why are they all running away from her...)" He seems distracted, deep in thought.
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:18:01
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:51
The child looks to her father. "I hope my fey isn't pink."
"Kitten, I don't think you get to choose what your fey familiar looks like."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:19:26
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:25:19
"Well all I'm saying, is that it better not look stuuuuupid." The child complains, putting her hands behind her back and rocking on her heels.
"(Mmh, no, that one's too smart, it would never sit still- O-oh, wait. No, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah!)"
"YES! Perfect." Gozer stops his pacing at a mound of soil, kicking aside the dirt with a single hoof. From beneath, he uncovers what appears to be a small mask.
Gozer v1
2025-09-20 21:25:42
Gozer v1 Profile
Posted by ID #7
Last edit: 2025-09-20 21:26:50
"You may summon the fey whenever you like, but only if you possess its skull." He begins to lower the mask into the child's hands, before suddenly pulling it up out of reach.
"BUT FIRST! You must solve... MY RIDDLE!!!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:27:13
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:40
The child jumps up to take the mask when Gozer pulls it away. "Awww dang. Riddles? I'm not good at riddles! Can't I just like, pay you? I got money, and weed."
"The Silver Tiger thinks that it would be more exciting to earn your familiar with your wit, instead of doing it dishonestly!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:28:41
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:28
"Yeah. Well. No one was asking you, dad. Let the guy speak for himself. Maybe he wants weed and money, ok?"
"Yeah, seriously, dude, we've got plenty of skunk we were thinkin' of splitting with the bats if you're, like, into something like that-"
"IT MUST BE A RIDDLE!!!"
Gozer v1
2025-09-20 21:29:43
Gozer v1 Profile
Posted by ID #7
Last edit: 2025-09-20 21:29:51
"(Sorry. Rules of the fey!)"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:30:27
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:21
"Makes sense, the fey have some weird rules."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:30:41
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:14
"Give me the riddle! I can take it!"
"Heh heh heh... I hope you're all prepared to leave this grove FEY-LESS! Because i've been cooking up a doozy. A brain-twister to stump even the brightest minds!"
"(ahem.) WHAT MUST BE BROKEN...."
"BEFORE YOU CAN USE IT!?"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:33:44
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:08
".................................................................."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:34:23
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:22:00
"DUDE! THIS RIDDLE IS LITARALLY IN MY "RIDDLES FOR CHILDREN'S BOOK!" IT'S AN EGG! DUUUUUH!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:34:40
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:55
"Get better riddles, man."
"Aw, come on, seriously!?"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:35:41
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:48
"I solved your riddle! No take backsies! Hand over my fey!"
"Yeah, just give her the mask, dude."
"I've been in that freakin' crypt forever thinking of these riddles, and you just- just- whatever!" He drops the skull in the child's hands.
"The fey won't always be so easy. But the reward is worth it!" He picks up a nearby fey hiding behind his legs, presenting it to the family. "I s'pose it's not too bad that these little things are finding homes, anyhow."
"(They are becoming something of a handful...)"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:40:50
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:42
"Awesome, this thing is cool!" The child holds the skull up, shaking it.
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:41:38
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:37
"So do I just like, say a spell or something? Like.... FEY OF THE UNNAMED CHILD! COME OUT AND UH....BE MY SERVANT! I HAVE YOUR SKULL? OR MASK? WHATEVER THIS THING IS!!!!"
There's a cold chill that runs through the room.
Candles go out as a fey slinks through the doorway.
"What a miserable day it is." The fey holds its hands together, head down, as if mourning a death.
"This....child.....You have given my symbol to her? Do you know what you are doing, keeper of the land?"
"I can do nothing but be a bother in this world. A monster."
"O-of course I do! And you should probably be a bit more grateful to not be tethered to this graveyard anymore, fey."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:49:43
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:27
"Hey.....How come my fey doesn't sing and dance like the other feys? The other feys looked super duper happy, but this guys a total bummer!"
"I can dance if that is what the people wish from me." The fey does a small hop to one leg, it twirls slowly. Its patterning along with the slow joyless movements creates an effect of unease and despair. "Singing is beyond me though. I can smile, a fake smile. I can teach you ways to appear joyful in moments where there is no joy within your soul. But to sing? I am not worthy of singing. A pure emotion that belongs to those that deserve it."
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:53:47
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:27:01
"Uh, this fey is broken....."
"I am indeed broken in many ways. My birth was joyless. I did not cry, nor laugh."
"Yeeeaaah, this guy's kind of a total bummer. But you solved its riddle!"
"And, thusly, it is tethered to YOU, AND YOU ALONE!"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 21:55:28
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:15
"I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW THAT PUZZLE WAS TOO EASY! IT WAS TRAP! YOU PLANNED TO TRAP ME WITH THIS WEIRDO!!!!"
"Heh- hah! YES! Yes... you were a fool to think friendship could be won so easily. Set up from the very start!" Whew.
Gozer v1
2025-09-20 21:58:44
Gozer v1 Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:07:13
"But it's not all that bad! Really. This fey may not seem like the perfect match at first... but give it time. You chose each other. Maybe you can still find what you were looking from it!"
Gozer v1
2025-09-20 21:59:45
Gozer v1 Profile
Posted by ID #7
Last edit: 2025-09-20 22:00:06
Gozer crouches down to the small fey standing beside the child. "Isn't that right, little buddy?"
Fey of Mourning
2025-09-20 22:01:18
Fey of Mourning Profile
Posted by ID #262
Last edit: 2025-11-17 03:07:49
"No one could ever hope to find anything from me. I am a lost cause, only deserving of a pit of endless darkness. The fact that I have been granted any mercy speaks to a cruel god who refuses to let me rest."
Fuzzy Feeling
2025-09-20 22:10:29
Fuzzy Feeling Profile
Posted by ID #7
Last edit: 2025-09-20 22:16:36
Fuzzy nudges Gozer's shoulder, offering him his cigarette one last time. "...It's a cool skit and all, but you're obviously a Pan unit. Y'sure you don't want some?"
"Wh-what? NO! I am NOT." The nudge startles Gozer, "BEGONE with the lot of you!! And best journey back before nightfall, there are far worse things that lurk in these woods than the fey."
"(Plus, I need to come up with some better riddles before others find me...)"
Unnamed Child
2025-09-20 22:02:20
Unnamed Child Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 14:21:09
The child stomps next to the fey and throws her hands in the air. It does not flinch like she expected. "OH GREAT! The one time I wanted one of these things to be scared of me, it's not! Why aren't you scared while the others are?"
"Because I am not a person. Fear. Happiness. Those are emotions that make up the base of a person. Those are ones I do not have. I am a person in the same way a rotting corpse is. As for why the other fey fear you...." The mournful fey reaches out to the child.
Fey of Mourning
2025-09-20 22:06:17
Fey of Mourning Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2025-09-21 08:15:35
"A fey can sense the names of a person, but they cannot know it unless told. It lingers in their mind. They become obsessed with names, for they lack their own. When the fey approached you, they believe you would have a fresh name. An innocent one they could steal. Unmarked by judgement of their peers." The fey touches her shoulder solemnly.
"But when they look at you. They only see a dark pit ready to consume them."
No one is typing.