"Hey, Buck, you online? I don't think I added you here before, but I need to hit you up on some information. Shrimps said you might be able to help."

"My my my my my. The Cowboy. At my door?"

"What's the word, hummingbird?"

"No, wait. Hold on a sec."

"I guess hummingbird is better than birdbrain."

"But I can think of a few better birds to be."

"Oh yeah? What would you have me call you?"

"I think I'm more of an eagle!"

"Hummingbirds are skittish."

"No offense to hummingbirds, of course. They're good at their jobs, but that ain't me."

"Eagle and a rabbit, huh? Predator and prey. I'm picking up what you're putting down."

"Or I suppose you'll be picking me up? Where we riding Cowboy?"

"I'm very proud of your service to the government, and I'm sure the government is paying well for it, but I don't think the government would ever pair you and me up. Nothing would come out of it. Which reminds me. Shrimps tells me the government sent you to seduce her, but I'm guessing that's just like...genetic unmedicated paranoia getting to her?"

"Forgive the flirt pal, just trying to keep my head in the game."

"But... Hold on now, partner."

"You've been talking to Shrimp?"

"Yeah! We've been talking about.....uh....."

"Yu! I'm having trouble getting them some social help, and I know Shrimps has worked with someone just like Yu before. Kind of hoping she can chill the dude out."

"Ah."

"Mhh."

"Stroking my ego with that government service dirty talk just to bring that name up? I heard you were a bit dense but come on, man, who goes in raw like that."

"Listen pal, no hard feelings cause I'm not that type of guy, but think twice before mentioning that freak, yeah?"

"They're a monster."

"They ruined my life."

"Aww, geez, it's kind of hard to figure out who has beef with Yu, ok? I didn't mean to do that. I just hope you know that I'm trying to help Yu out, emotionally, so shit like that won't happen anymore. I'll try to make sure no one else gets hurt on my watch."

"Yeah I hear you pal, it was an honest mistake."

"I don't....know if it was a mistake but......ah...nevermind."

"So, did the government really send you after Shrimps? She had a bit to talk about."

"Yeah the government's got me working on her. It's an unusual case given her age but that's no problem for me."

"Can't beat experience, and that there is a woman of the world."

"The government is making it really hard to counter conspiracy theories when it keeps pulling this. I don't know man, maybe don't take the "weird" jobs? Especially since it doesn't seem to be working out for you...."

"It's been a long one but maybe she just likes to form a deep connection?"

"She kind of has a husband. I think she might just want to eat your sandwiches, dude, but you didn't hear that from me."

"What sort of whore would I be if I didn't know there was a husband in the picture?"

"We finished a puzzle together during my last visit. It was rather nice."

"I guess there's a reason why I'm not working in that sector of the government. I think if someone's husband invited me in, unafraid of me and offered to build a puzzle with me, I'd turn around and give up. Pay and benefits be damned, that's a shot to the confidence."

"Why would I want him afraid? That just sounds unpleasant for both of us."

"I guess I don't get it, sort of like how you don't get how I can work in the containment field."

"Which reminds me. Right, the reason why I'm here. Have you seen Scarpe? I've been trying to get in contact with the dude for a bit now, and no one can get in touch. For reasons I'm a tad worried....."

"We talk every day, more or less."

"Ah, that's great! Can you get him in chat? I just want to check up on him."

"One moment."

"You needed me?"

"A little, man! I've been trying to hit you up for awhile now."

"Been having issues answering dms recently, sorry about that."

"Look, this is going to sound a little silly, but I came across your player AI in a game recently, one you sent to Helen. It was....talking about you know, "giving up" and shit? Kind of implying it'd like to join a singularity maybe?"

"Wow, morbid work man. Now you're trying to freak out players too?"

Player Card
Player Name: Scarpe
Age In Notail Years: I'm an adult.
Current State: Semiactive

Joined: A decent enough bit after launch. Played for a while then lost a lot of interest. Every now and then the kick to replay comes back and I'll go for about a week before losing interest again. Fun game, just not the type to spend months on.
Player Type With Duel Boost Activated: Lightning / Luck (And I didn't have to manipulate the game to get luck, either.)

Favorite Entry: The Gods section, Wozzees, Ananke, probably dragons if they had one
Favorite Patron: Somnus, Gapollo, Hecate (it's fun to prove them wrong)
Notable Submitted Entry: H-mon, Swollows, mainly H-mon's plotline, really

Occupation: No comment.
Notes: I'm pretty active in the community but I'm not exactly someone you're gonna see ingame a lot. If you have anything you'd like me to read do send. If you'd have anything you'd like to make a bet over do ask. Fuck D'arc. 13-8 win loss betting ratio, eat shit, I'm keeping the fucking mushbirds.

If you see my pai ingame, feel free to fuck with him. He's thankfully funny. I spent hours painstakingly feeding the game false info to try to make something interesting, and as much as I hate to admit it, the game sort of read my intentions and it's still sort of me.

"Last couple of lines in the player card. Anything the pai does does not reflect me, my opinions, or my thoughts."

"I can't quite seem to completely disconnect him from myself to make a unique character but that's the idea."

"Oh, that's good! I was just worried because it kind of sounded a lot like you."

"Super annoying."

"Oh yeah, player cards! Lemme throw mine down while we're at it."

Player Card
Player Name: LikeAMillionBucks
Age In Notail Years: 30+
Current State: Off duty, ha ha. hmu if we had a game going.

Joined: in the hayday of Notail Simulator.
Player Type With Duel Boost Activated: Creation Order (It'll be Ruler Order if we're running co-op.)

Favorite Entry: Species that aren't ugly, N-30's pretty cool
Favorite Patron: Mercury, Ananke, Bia, Hyperion
Notable Submitted Entry: Hyperion, Scab, Leaping Star

Occupation: Philanthropist and full-time bachelor.
Notes: If you've got any little Bucks out there feel free to send me photos, I'd love to see.

"So Scarpe, it's been a long time since we last spoke. Have you been in any good shows lately?"

"Not really."

"Oh. I see...."

"Thanks for the player cards by the way. This should help a ton if I see fake versions of you guys out there!"

"How many, uh, "Little bucks" do you think you have out there, dude?"

"Confirmed? At least twelve."

"I've been doing this for longer than I can remember man, so it's probably in the hundreds."

"Seeing a photo of a mini me just makes me all giddy. They're all so cute."

"Sometimes it's like, 'Damn. Wish I could be a little more present.'"

"Oh well, thems the breaks."

"Yeah, I don't think I could do that, bro. If I had kids I'd want to be in their life all the time. My dad was never in mine, and I know, "you don't NEED a dad", or parents really, just the government, but I kind of wish I had at least a full set of parents you know?"

"Sorry to hear it pal. Sometimes parents aren't all they're cracked up to be either. Suppose I should count my blessings government took me in early."

"Uh, you've been a bit silent there, Scarpe."

"Feeling shy, big guy?"

"Playing something on the side and a big slime boss spawned randomly so I got distracted."

"Oh, the same thing happened to me! I've been like playing 3 games on the side."

"Do you want to play some games later? I need a few more things to keep my mind rolling."

"I'd love to, but I'm going to be busy this evening. I have another shift."

"Yeah, no problem then! I'll be seeing both of you later then. Hope to talk soon!"

"Hmmm......."

"Hey, you do not sound ok. You didn't insult me like, once."

"Look man, work's been raking me over the coals lately. I'm too tired to insult you at the moment."

"Speaking of."

"You know Cargo, right? I think they're late on a shrimp tail delivery and more customers have been showing up lately asking for seafood. I know they're not going to get here by my next shift, but could you ask them what's up and see if they can send some before the week ends?"

"Hmmmm."

"Yeah, I still talk with Cargo! How much shrimp tails are you buying from the dude? Maybe Cargo just needs to be reminded."

"Probably only about 5 or 6 of the large ones. Cargo's about the only supplier I know that deals in the really big and juicy ones."

"Yeah, no problem. I think Cargo can get you that."

"A nice sizeable order for the restaurant you're working at.........You make sure to keep out warnings about shrimp tails?"

"You know. Like how you're not supposed to eat more than two a year?"

"...Well yes, that's why it's a relatively small order. I think the warnings are legally required, you'd know."

"Or rather, we've been getting more orders for it than usual."

"I guess that's a decently sized order for most mom and pops' places, huh."

"Not to pick into the restaurant you're working at too much, but how many orders have you grabbed from Cargo this year?"

"About an order a month? Depends on the season, we got more in summer."

".............That many?"

"...It's a decently popular restaurant."

"I didn't say, they're eating that many shrimp. I said YOU'RE eating that many shrimp."

"You work at a video rental store. Shrimp told me so."

"When the hell did she find that out? I haven't told anyone where I work aside from, what, Buck, and...?"

"..."

"Open your mouth right now."

"Hah. Fine. Yes, those orders are for me. I've got fangs. What of it?"

"It's tough, you know?"

"Eye gene."

"Pitch black."

"Look man, I know you're a cop, but I need those tails."

"God fucking damn it man! Are you trying to kill yourself? I KNEW IT! Fortuna totally snitched on what you've been doing!"

"You're not getting those tails! I'm telling Cargo to cut you off!"

"Maybe if you stop now....we can revert this...."

"And then what? Go back to being myself? Being useless? I can't do fucking anything. It was a long time coming, I'm not going to back out now."

"Every day of my fucking life it's this shit. I can't stand it. I'm tired."

"Have you been taking your government medication? If you're feeling like this, you need to inform the government and they'll help you, you know?"

"Being genuine is hard, y'know? You know how it is for my island. The last thing anyone wants to be is themselves. That's not conducive to good programming, hm?"

"When's the government ever done right by me? Fuck the government."

"You wake up."

"You find out you're on air in a couple minutes."

"You gotta play the fool for an hour. You gotta drag others with you. You have to watch people act their best as if they wouldn't rather be doing anything else."

""Show Time" seemed like fun when I was there...but I understand that it's stressful. That's why the government has drugs to take the edge off."

"I'm not done. I'm not done, that's not it. Though I don't need to tell you that that's why I work in a fucking rental shop in the one island with the quote on quote "good programming". Nobody fucking wants to be there."

"So picture me, doing my fucking bit, suddenly a whore shows up? Nobody really knows what to do. People realize they're taking too long and in desperation start trying to bring him into the joke. Dude has no fucking clue what's up."

"So of course, when he doesn't reciprocate, they do what you have to do, you turn him into the joke. And man, when's the last time you saw someone genuine like that?"

"Taking him away from there so he wouldn't fucking embarrass himself on camera like that cost us a life. I saw that on the news the next day. Car crash, whatever. Doesn't fucking matter."

"Look, it's not like you could have known! Sometimes "Show Time" fails and people die. It's just how it is. I know it sucks but the people of the island have to do it. It keeps them alive. It's the only thing that works."

"Without Show Time, your entire island would......be tossed out...."

"Hah. See, that's the thing! That's the thing, it feels like you don't see things the same way as us at all sometimes, you fucking birdbrain. I'm still not done!"

"Of course it fucked me up."

"Nobody blamed me and that hurt more. I think if I was in their situation I also wouldn't have blamed them. That's not the point. I understand how it is, we all understand how it is."

"Point is that whore became my best friend, and you know what?"

"Can you believe sometimes it feels like his life is worse? Like it's complete dogshit? I've got my fucking, what, old movies to keep me going, what's he got?"

"I've, albeit indirectly, killed people, MULTIPLE TIMES EVEN, and I still, somehow, feel like HE'S got it worse, because I'm already way too jaded for all of that other fucking shit."

"His life didn't seem that bad. He seems rather happy."

"Come on."

"Wait...you've messed up Show Time multiple times.....? Urk...."

"It sucks that you feel like you're so good at reading between the lines sometimes and yet other times it feels like you can't see past surface level shit. You talked to shrimp, right? Did she talk to you about him? Did that feel like a normal relationship to you? At any point, did you not go "Wow, is he aware he's being used?" "

"I don't know man. I tried telling him. I know he knows and is just chilling with it."

"AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

"He knows, yes."

"When'd he ever tell you he was chill with it?"

"Shit, ignore shrimp, she's minor in the grand scheme of things, you know how many times he's vented to me about how many people, not just her, use him?"

"I get it's impossible for most people to have a normal relationship with a whore, that's fine, but atl east do it professionally if you so have to? Don't fucking, lead him on, laugh at him, use him, keep him in your palm so you can continue feeding off his fucking gifts like a parasite."

"Come on. If he wasn't happy he can just tell the government he isn't happy and they'd move him. You know they would! He can ask to work in another sector!"

"AND THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING HIM! FOR YEARS! FOR YEARS ON END ALL IT'S BEEN IS "YOU GOTTA FIND SOMETHING ELSE, MAN, THIS IS KILLING YOU, I CAN'T KEEP SITTING HERE AND HEARING YOU TALK ABOUT HOW NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES FOR YOU." "

"But it's all he's ever known, apparently! He's terrified of anything else! His life is shit, he hates it, he festers inside and there's maybe a single person he can actually talk to and he refuses to actually do anything about it!"

"His entire image, self worth, whatever the fuck, is reliant on whether he sees him as valuable, FOR HIS PET PROJECT NO LESS, because that's just sort of how he fucking grew up, I guess."

"You know, if ANY of you were fucking medicated this would all be solved? His head would be cleared. He wouldn't be paranoid and realized that he could start over in another field, and YOU wouldn't be eating SHRIMP TAILS!"

"You medically lobotomized bird, fucking, is that your answer to literally everything?"

" 'I-if you take the government meds, they'll fix you! You gotta believe me!', as if you didn't have front seats to that helping Yu out, yeah?"

"It's not that fucking simple, man."

"Yu is DIFFERENT. The our government doesn't know how to help people like Yu. But it DOES know how to help people like you AND Buck."

"Don't even BRING UP Yu, when you're on that path right now with what you're doing. Do you want to ruin lives as well?"

"If you're paranoid, you take the drugs for paranoia. If you're depressed, you take the drugs for depression, then your mind is clear, and you can dig yourself out of the pit you're in. You just have to TRUST the system. I am NOT medically lobotomized, I am functioning!"

"Sadly for both of us, that god damn pit is miles fucking deep by this point, dude. I've made my fucking decision. If he's only ever going to listen to him, then it's about time I fucking become like him and make a fucking change for the better."

"I WILL fix things, and if that kills me, fucking hell, what of it?! I'm tired of being useless and unable to help, I'm tired of having to stand on the sidelines barely able to fucking give words of comfort."

"Shit, I've had my will done for about 4 months now."

"You're NOT getting anymore shrimp tails. I already told you that. Cargo would have never sold those to you if the guy knew what you were doing with them. So you're plan is already dead in the water."

"If you're going to ruin your life. Please don't do it in a way that ruins other peoples with you."

"Fine. Fucking, whatever. Leave it somewhere inconspicuous because I am NOT meeting you face to face. I can still make my point with a gun."

"Seriously? You're not scared of death, but you're scared of a "lobotomized bird" handing you off a gun? No. I'm giving it to you, face to face. I'm not putting a fucking gun in a bush for a child to find before you do, and hurt themselves. You're scared because you know I'm going to try and talk you out of it."

"Tough. I'll see you at ----------."

"It's close to the rental shop."

"Good! I'll meet you there. Don't be too scared when you see me."

"I look a bit different in person."