STORY

STORY

JUDAS
[Joe Hisaishi - Merry-Go-Round (from 'Howl's Moving Castle')]
Judas held out his arms on the table.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me."
A large vampwelf chuckled.

"Oh who, will it be at this table?"
"Judas. Don't make jokes like that."
"Especially when Q-classes caught and scorched one of the apostles!"
"No need to be in character, Peter. You can call us investors."
"I think we need to halt our plans. This branch of the Abrahamic Corporation isn't going to last much longer under this onslaught."
"Oh, Peter. Are you feeling a tad. Chicken?"
"I have not heard the crowing of the birds that signal the end yet."
"You two are......."
"The only people you have, Peter."
"I mean, I'm here too."
"You're not an apostle, I mean, investor, Maggy."
"I mean, I did invest a lot into you folks. Can't we make me a side apostle? Sort of like a side chick for religion."
"Please don't word it like that, Maggy."
"Anyway. I am not getting scared......I'm being reasonable."
"When most of us have fled, have been maimed, or killed...."
"It is REASONABLE to believe it is time to reconsider our options."
"Satan, you agree with me on this, right?"
"I do not, Peter."
"With our holy duty so close to the end, we must hold strong in these times! Ignore those who oppose us, for the light of HIS justice will protect us and lead us to the promised land of our most holy goals!"
"We have already failed the LORD too many times with our cowardice, greed, and pride! We must go forth, no matter the cost!"
"Do you flee at our foot of our goals for the LORD, Peter? Shall you let your brothers and sisters before you DIE and be MAIMED in vain when they have worked so hard to reach the LORD'S call?"
"No. I.....suppose I cannot leave now. But the Abrahamic Corporation is underfunded."
"What happened to the other branches?"
"Uuuuuuh tsssssk....More like what didn't happen to them, big dogg. One of them got flooded to hell, and the other's main clockwork went missing and they're looking under every rock for it."
"Hmmmm maybe we should have provided more help to them when they asked."
"I believe we should sell out to the notails."
"Peter!"
"Don't take my lines."
"We will NOT be selling THE LORD to those who wish to use him in their petty wars!"
"We must bring SALVATION to the universe. Converting those clockworks corrupted by the MADNESS into a more stable state."
"The universe does not understand, we do not wish to CONTROL the afflicted, but bring them PEACE. They believe our goals UNHOLY and that all clockworks should be killed or used in warfare."
"Well, Satan, tell me. How do you think we should solve this issue with no funding?"
"What would I- ah I mean, what would JESUS do in this situation?"
"Look, I love Jesus, but let's not lie. Dude would just walk up to them and ask them to please stop hurting people and explain the situation."
"Yes, and that would be-"
"Then I shall go forth in the name of the LORD and speak with these people."
"Satan, you're going to get yourself killed!"
"Satan. It is not your goal to die anymore."
".................................................."
"I say we allow Satan to do as he wishes."
"Satan is the closest thing we have to Jesus. Maybe they will take the angel of the Lord and leave Jesus alone."
"I shall be the LAMB for my LORD and feed the PEOPLE with my FLESH."
"I shall teach them the LORD'S WORD. I will return a SAVIOR for the people."
"But, of course, just a servant to the LORD."
"I don't know if it's like, totally un-Christian of me to be saying this, but I kind of don't want to send Satan on a suicide mission."
"Seriously, can we like, get him a new name? It's a little hard for me to say 'I want to protect Satan', dudes."
"Feel no pity for me Magdalene, for I have sinned!"
"I read the HOLY BOOK when I was told to never touch it, and for my sins, I shall be SATAN."
("I can't be the only one tired of Satan being in character all of the time.")
("Peter, he was born into this. He doesn't know anything else.")
("Maybe if the rest of us were as dedicated as Satan, we wouldn't be having these problems.")
"............................................."
"Fine. I agree. Let Satan go forth to meet those who oppose our plans for bringing peace to those clockworks who have lost their minds to the hunger of the universe."
"Should the Lord be good, Satan's path shall be clear and swift."
"And the Lord, I say, the LORD shall be good to me today!"
"I will come back victorious, brothers and sisters, for it is said, 'May He grant you your heart's desire, and fulfill all your counsel!' -Psalm 20:4"

Satan rises from his seat and exits the room.

Peter quickly shifts through the bible in front of him.

"With context, the message changes ever so slightly."
"Everything in the bible changes with context."
"'Leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' -Romans 12:19"
"Yo, we book clubbing our favorite parts of the bible?"
The vampwelf shakes his head.

"No, just agreeing with Judas. I am happy to read with you later if you wish."
"I'll hit you up later, Big J."
"Jesus is the 'Big J.' I am just James."
"Oh snap, you're right."
"So, Peter, what changed your mind?"
"Heh, uh, well."
"The Lord is good, right? Well, if the Lord wants to save our company from failing, He better do it quick."
"Let our Lord save us-"
"or let this company vanish."
"Harsh, dude!"
"I'm being realistic, Maggy. It's time to stop playing pretend."
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