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Home > Expos > Event 5 > Page 49
TREES TREES TREES▼
TREES TREES TREES
[Going Under - 401cave]
Not that long after the start of the fair
2024-12-18 11:47:38
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:05:02

Jerald and Myron are setting up a table. Which is to say Jerald is do the physical setting up, while Myron does the crucial supervising.
Why the table is being set-up doesn't matter; Jerald doesn't care.

Jerald
2024-12-18 11:51:43
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:04:56
"TABLE SET UP MYRON!"
Myron
"Great. Now head back to pointdexter, before he screws up and gives our trees, er, leaf... rust, or something."
Jerald
2024-12-18 11:52:53
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:04:49
"BUT FOLIAR DISEASES ARE CAUSED BY THE WEATHER, MYRON!"
Jerald
"also"
Jerald
2024-12-18 11:54:44
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:13:56
"WE HAVE TREES?! [tree][tree]"
Myron
"Uhhh"
Myron
"Maybe! Go back and check!"
2024-12-18 12:03:29
Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:14:17

And so Jerald happily bounds off to the back of the budryfts' stall.

Jerald
2024-12-18 12:10:10
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:31:43
"WHERE ARE THE TREES TESSE? [tree][tree]"
Tesse
"What?"
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:11:42
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:32:28
"[tree][tree] TREEEEEES [tree][tree]"
Tesse
"We don't have any trees, it's your job to FIND them."
Jerald
"REALLY?"
Tesse
"Yes, remember? We need a tree that, er, umm"
Tesse
"ummmm"
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:15:10
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:36:00
"BUT THERE IS NO TREE THAT CAN CONNECT TO THE BLOCKCHAIN TESSE!"
Tesse
"Then,"
Tesse
"Then we have no trees, Jerald."
Jerald
"[tree] [tree] [tree] NO [tree] [tree] [tree]"
Jerald
"Then search harder. We just need a tree that is sensitive to network signals,"
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:20:00
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:16:38
"I'll handle the rest."
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:20:30
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:20:41
"..."
Jerald
"I don't think we've thought this through Tesse"
Jerald
Tesse sighs
"You and me both. And don't spread dou-er, FUD."
2024-12-18 12:22:37
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:22:43

Jerald plods out.

Today
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:24:46
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:36:53
"...AND THEN I WENT A DIFFERENT MACHINE AND MET FANBOY BUT HE COULD TURN ME INTO A TREE CUZ HE DIDN'T KNOW THE MACHINE, BUT I WAS GOT NEAT GLUNK, AND SO I KEPT SEARCHING AND SEARCHING BUT I COULDN'T FIND LONGFUR SO I WENT TO A FOOD TRUCK AND ASKED FOOD TRUCK PERSON TO MAKE A TREE ( [tree] ), BUT XE COULDN'T BUT XE COULD FRY SOME SHRIMP AND WOOD AND THEN I SEARCHED AND SEARCHED AND NOW I AM HERE"
Longfur
"What the god loving planet are you talking about?"
Longfur
"I am in the middle of setting up my next speech on this mountain, and you're telling me nonsense!"
Fan
"I think he wants to be a tree."
Longfur
"Then what is this part about the "Blockchain" and "FUD" and all that other nonsense?"
Fan
"Well the blockchain is-"
Longfur
"DO NOT TELL ME WHAT THE BLOCKCHAIN IS."
Fan
"Understood."
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:28:04
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:37:12
"MYRON WANTS TO USE TREES TO VERIFY A DIGITAL CUREENCY THINGY."
Jerald
"THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN."
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:28:20
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:37:24
"TREES DON'T WORK THAT WAY"
Longfur
"THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A TREE IF IT WON'T WORK?"
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:29:32
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:41:46
"I WILL NEVER HAVE TREES, EVER.
IT'S A CRITICAL TREE SHORTAGE."
Fan
"Just turn him into a tree, devious one!"
Jerald
"please"
Longfur
"Do I look like your servant? Bow and pray to me if you want to become a tree!"
Longfur
("Can't get any stupid worshippers on this planet. Have to rely on a man that wants to be a tree.")
Jerald rolls a 20 sided die. A 6 is rolled.

Jerald,

Embeds his face into the ground and mutters prayers.

In the sense that it's quieter than his normal speaking voice.

So he's effectively just saying "PRAY" at normal volume.

Longfur
"..................................................."
Longfur
"Fine, you want to become a tree. Become a tree." Longfur transforms Jerald into a tree.
Longfur
"Fan, get me an axe."
Fan
"Oooooooooooooh, I don't know if I want to help you commit a murder but ok."
Longfur
"Have any half ass prayers to say now?"

Jerald can't hear them, as becasue he is now tree.
(Even though that is not how that works.)

Jerald
2024-12-18 12:46:51
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 12:47:01
"[tree]"
Fan
"Here's your axe, stinky one."
Longfur
"Thank you now-"
Longfur
"What did you call me?"
Fan
"Devious one."
Longfur
"Right."
Longfur
"Prepare for your demise, tree!"
Jerald
2024-12-18 12:49:26
Jerald Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:20:34
"Tree noises."
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die. A 9 is rolled.
Longfur
"How do you use an axe?"
Fan
".................................................."
Longfur
"Do I look like I was born to do manual labor, Fan?"
Fan
"You have to swing it, like sideways."
(Jerald)
2024-12-18 12:51:46
(Jerald) Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:21:04

HEY, GET A LICENSE BEFORE YOU TRY TO CHOP A TREE, ASSHOLE! [tree]

2024-12-18 12:53:54
A peeved tree Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 14:38:39
A peeved tree rolls a 20 sided die. A 15 is rolled.
Fan
"I do worry you need a license before you chop down a tree though...."
Longfur
"Lawless sector."
Fan
"Oh, right."
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die. A 10 is rolled.
Longfur
Longfur makes a cut into the tree!
"Freaking peasant work...."
Fan
"Go awful one! Chop down that tree! Rah rah rah!"
Fan buffs Longfur's next roll by +3.
LONGFUR CLASHES AGAINST THE TREE.
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +3. A 20 is rolled.
2024-12-18 13:00:40
A treeee Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:29:02
A treeee rolls a 20 sided die. A 7 is rolled.
(Jerald)
2024-12-18 12:59:43
(Jerald) Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:29:06

[tree][tree] [tree] [tree] [tree] TREEEE [tree] [tree] [tree] [tree][tree]

Longfur
Longfur cuts the branch off! "You got yourself into this mess, now pay with your blood!"
Fan
"*Sap."
Longfur
"Correct me again, I dare you!"
Fan
" :( "
(Jerald)

[tree] YOUR TECHNIQUE IS BAD! *attempts to grab the axe* [tree]

Longfur clashes against the tree!
2024-12-18 12:57:41
An indignant tree Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:29:25
An indignant tree rolls a 20 sided die. A 10 is rolled.
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die. A 5 is rolled.
Longfur
The tree knocks the axe of of Longfur's hands!
"You know, I only was chopping you down because I figured, that would be a delightful way to end your life. Maybe I could make you into a table or such. But this insult will not go unpunished."
Longfur
"Make your final move because you will not survive my actual powers."
(Jerald)

[tree]The tree attempts to commune with other budryft through mutual kinship of arboreal love, alert them to it's peril![tree]

A tree in peril rolls a 20 sided die. A 15 is rolled.
2024-12-18 13:06:44
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Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:31:38

...That was utter nonsense.

But STILL

2024-12-18 13:09:06
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:29:56
ImperiumMadeon(bootleg)

Myron and Tesse show up!

Longfur
"Die."
Longfur turns into a giant blade and lunches herself at the tree!
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +30. A 37 is rolled.
Longfur
The tree has been cut down.
"Good riddance."
Myron
"Uh, hey, have seen a green budryft around here? Big, has moustache markings, obsessed with trees?"
Longfur
"I have killed him. You may thank me later."
Longfur
"Fan, turn the rest into firewood."
Myron
"..."
Myron
2024-12-18 13:14:07
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:33:27
"You what, oh dear... benefactor?"
Longfur
2024-12-18 13:14:27
Longfur Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:32:42
"Haha, look at the way it raises its frills like that."
Fan
"Cuuuuute."
Longfur
"He asked to become a tree. I made him a tree. Then I did what all people do to trees and cut him down."
Myron
2024-12-18 13:15:11
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:34:18
"Yeah, it's real cute. But, you see..."
Myron
2024-12-18 13:15:32
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:34:40
"That was our fucking tree, your beneviolence."
Longfur
Longfur reaches over and just....Pats down the frills.
Longfur
"The tree was mine. I grew it."
Longfur
"Also this is a lawless sector."
Myron
2024-12-18 13:17:20
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:35:21
"It was part our staff. And what's stopping us from making your stay here, unpleasant?"
Tesse
Tesse quickly interjects
"Many things Myron. Many, many things. How about we just, keep the wood, and,"
Tesse
Tesse pulls out some fried shrimp he somehow has on him
"And you get this, succulent fried shrimp! Fair trade, right?"
Longfur
Longfur silently looks at the duo.
Fan
"I would just leave....."
Fan
"She looks awfully mad and well....she's not known for her mercy...."
Tesse
2024-12-18 13:20:06
Tesse Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:36:01
"Uh, yes, maybe we should, leave. Now."
Longfur
Longfur grabs Tesse.
Longfur
And pats down his frills before letting him go.
Tesse
"See, let's just, go."
Myron
"..."
Myron stares at Tesse
Tesse
2024-12-18 13:21:33
Tesse Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:22:16
"We, aren't going to win Myron."
Myron
2024-12-18 13:22:02
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:22:59
". . ."
Tesse
Tesse sighs, holds up a hand to Myron and turns to Longfur
Tesse
"Are you sure you don't want to trade the dead wood for the fried shrimp?"
Longfur
"I'll trade you one piece and nothing more."
Myron
"...WHY ARE WE-"
Tesse
"Myron, Code: 'I've got this'"
Tesse
"Any one piece?"
Longfur
"You may have this branch that knocked the axe out of my hands, and nothing more. It is the only piece that deserves to live."
Tesse
Tesse is about the suggest the stump, leveraging the labor of removing it to keep it, and bullshitting about how usefull the roots were, but then the last nine words made it clear. Longfur knew what he was planning.

"...fine."

Tesse hands over the shrimp.
Longfur
2024-12-18 13:25:23
Longfur Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:25:45
"Fantastic! A deal well done. I hope his final minutes as a tree were amazing. Enjoy the rest of your day."
Myron
"..."
2024-12-18 13:26:23
Myron Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:37:10
Myron rolls a 20 sided die. A 1 is rolled.
2024-12-18 13:31:11
Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:37:41
Going Under - 'crypto' type beat

MYRON ATTACKS LONGFUR.

Tesse
2024-12-18 13:35:38
Tesse Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:38:05
(GODDAMMIT MYRON. EVERY TIME!)
Tesse thinks as he readys to attack Longfur.
Longfur
"I see I see, we all wish to be trees!~"
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die. A 37 is rolled.

Myron is turned into a tree.

Longfur
"Other one....do you wish to be a tree too?"
Longfur
"You will not win a battle with me."
Tesse
"Yes. I know."

TESSE TRIES TO TURN THE NFT MAKING MACHINE INTO IMPROVISED WEAPON, HOPEFULLY A GUN!

Fortuna rolls a 21 sided die. A 3 is rolled.
2024-12-18 13:43:49
Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:43:57

The NFT MACHINE.......NEEDS TIME TO VERIFY. PLEASE WAIT 10 HOURS FOR IT TO BE VERIFIED ON THE BLOCKCHAIN.

Tesse
2024-12-18 13:44:11
Tesse Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:47:12
Tesse sighs
"...This is makes sense. Fucking Blockchain."
Longfur
".............................................................................."
Longfur
2024-12-18 13:47:36
Longfur Profile
Posted by ID #9
Last edit: 2024-12-18 13:50:34
"Tree."
Longfur rolls a 20 sided die. A 44 is rolled.

Tesse is turned into a tree.

Fan
"At least they...kept their cute frills....."
Longfur
"Grams is going to love the way these new piles of firewood burn."
Sometime later.
Dialtone - Deltarune: Chapter 2
Fan
"So....is there anything we can do about this?"
Barley Bonekeeper
"This is a level 150 weapon acquired from the game "Endless Axis." It's easily one of the most powerful weapons in game."
Fan
"Yes.....but this person's data stick went "Verification completed" and summoned it........10 hours later...."
Barley Bonekeeper
"Don't see the issue here. It takes that long to verify ownership."
Fan
"Why is the uh......hyper weapon from the video game here....?"
Barley Bonekeeper
"Play-to-earn."
Fan
"..............It just...seems a bit illegal to distribute weapons via a digital video game....."
Barley Bonekeeper
"What, are you going to call the cops?"
Fan
"No but.....we can't just keep a deadly super weapon here. Someone might get hurt."
Barley Bonekeeper
"You know nothing. If you don't own the keys to this item, you can't use it."
Fan
".............But it's right there, in the open."
Barley Bonekeeper
"Not your keys, not your lvl 150 super weapon."
Barley Bonekeeper
"Also you physically cannot operate it without the keys."
Fan
"I guess now that the owner is dead, nothing can be done. It's all locked away......"
Fan
"At least it's not like an inventory system where all your items explode out of it on death making a huge mess for everyone."
Fan
"Thank you for explaining the system to me. I now understand......this giant piece of junk belongs to no one."
Fan
"Hopefully someone stronger than me picks it up and drags it to the junkyard." Fan leaves the item alone.
Barley Bonekeeper
"........................................................................"
Barley Bonekeeper
2024-12-18 13:54:48
Barley Bonekeeper Profile
Posted by ID #99
Last edit: 2025-11-16 20:40:24
Barley picks up the datastick, instantly becoming the owner of all of Tesse's assets.
"Biggest windfall of my life."
No one is typing.
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