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Home > Expos > Event 3 > Page 12
HONK HONK▼
HONK HONK
[Rigor Mortis Rag - Death Road to Canada]

You and your pal are roaming the streets after getting lost. You both took one moment to ask a clown for directions and now you're literally between "Jester Road" and "Dark Alleyway Unlit!!!! Street". Just great!

O-12
2024-12-12 19:20:52
O-12 Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:26:18
"So, I just feel the need to mention this, but holy shit dude, you look homeless. ;P"
S-52
"..."
S-52
"...I look THAT bad? xwx"
S-52
"But yes, I am. Thanks for noticing, you're homeless too? xwx"
O-12
"I prefer to think of myself as a 'free roamer'. But no, seriously, I don't really need a home since I'm going to be dead soon anyway. Really loving the look though, the obviously DIY hoodie thing ties it all together really nicely. ;P"
S-52
"I found everything I needed for the hoodie in the trash, including the teeth! Thank you for the compliments!! xwx"
Helpy
"Howdy folks, I've noticed you haven't moved from this spot from awhile, do you need help making choices?"
Helpy
"I was........watching and I don't think you noticed you had any choices...."
Helpy
"If you would like to opt out of help, just shoo me away!"
S-52
"I was waiting for you to come, the problem of the choices presented here are that they're both..."
S-52
"Get Killed By Jesters Road and Get Shanked By Clowns Street."
S-52
"Could you tell me a bit of both of the places? xwx"
O-12
"Just an average Thursday. But really, I wasn't so much waiting around as I was purposefully standing here so I can roast this guy more. You're the really helpful type though, huh? Whatcha got, then? ;P"
Helpy
"Weeeeeell instead of letting me tell you which place is what, lets have Doofboy tell yah!!!!"
Helpy
"GIVE IT UP FOR DOOFBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There's a round of applause as a tiny crab skitters out.

Helpy
"Alright Doofboy, how bad is the Jester road?"

Doofboy clacks his claws. That's a very deadly way if you don't know better!

Helpy
"And the other way?"

Doofboy does a little jig, informing the audience of three that it was much safer that way and you wouldn't need any special knowledge.

S-52
"Such a smart boy!!! Yes, you are!!! Yes, you are!!! xwx"
Helpy
"You heard him folks! Doofboy the knowledgeable! Smartest crab in town!!!!"

There's another round of clapping as Doofboy scuttles away.

S-52
Lobster goes to pick up Doofboy. "Hey little buddy, you come with us. We need your smarts for the moment, I promise we will drop you by the... Clown beach by the end of this. xwx"
S-52 rolls a 20 sided die. A 17 is rolled.

Doofboy is caught in S-52's hands!

As the lobsters gently hold Doofboy, S-52 moves to the Jester Road knowing that the clown was scared of such beasts.

Helpy
"WOAH!!! Hey now, put Doofboy down!!!!"
Helpy
"I'm...I'm warning you!!!!! Put down Doofboy, or else you'll regret it!!!"
S-52
"My meal now. See you later! xwx"

Doofboy pinches you on the nose.
For +10 attack.

2024-12-12 20:24:19
Fortuna Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:30:51
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 3 is rolled.

Your mask gets in the way but it still nabs you!
Doofboy jumps out of your hands, landing on the ground...........

O-12
"Is that a fucking-"
O-12
O-12 pauses, just...watching as the lobster picks up and carries the crab off.
"...Holy shit I didn't even need to- This is amazing. I love this. Kay, thanks, bye! ;P"
O-12 moves to follow the lobster down Jester road.
Helpy
"O....Oh no.....dear god......"

You have angered Doofboy.

[how y'all look when you're remastering your uploads]
Helpy
"RUN AWAY BEFORE HE KILLS YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!"
S-52
"..."
S-52
"Horse face. You're ready? xwx"
O-12
O-12 immediately turns around, pulling out a camera and beginning to record.
O-12
2024-12-12 20:34:04
O-12 Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:32:40
"Hello my beautiful people! The Neo won't return my calls, but that doesn't stop me from flirting with death! Today, we have a fucking killer crab, apparently. Let's see what happens! ;P"
O-12
He turns back to Lobster. "Ready as I'll ever be. ;P"

Doofboy doesn't wait for your move. He attacks the dan'gersign!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 20 is rolled.

YOUR DAN'GERSIGN TURNS INTO DUST BEFORE YOUR EYES.

Helpy
2024-12-12 20:39:15
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:34:46
"Aw fuck, man."
S-52
"...You done it, Doofboy... We're going to eat Crab Rangoon tonight!"
Lobster, using the powers of the Singer, calls for a CHEER TIME!

A CHEER HAS STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O-12
"WOW. SHIT, that was fast. Gacha, keep it's attention!"
O-12
O-12 commands his tailmic to use [Look at me!] and take the next attack!
Helpy
"A....A crowd has suddenly formed?!?!!?! This power..."
Helpy
2024-12-12 20:56:17
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:35:07
"Y-you're a monster, aren't you!?!?!?!"
O-12
"By the way, Lobster face, let me properly introduce myself; I'm O-12, and originally I just wanted to hear your sob story for a laugh, but I think you're my best friend now. ;P"
S-52
"Fuck around and find out. xwx"
Lobster starts singing to take over the simple mind of Doofboy, as the Singer did back in the church. The dumbest thing this poor crab did was thinking the duo would go with NO FIGHT.

Doofboy attacks the tailmic, though the singing is distracting it!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. A 7 is rolled.

It gives a good pinch to the face, it's losing power! The crowds aren't cheering for it.

Helpy
"P-please, monster, leave Doofboy alone, he's just a little guy, a fella! He's the smartest dilly crab in town! He had to protect himself, you were going to eat him!"
O-12
"Oooh, that's GOT to hurt! Gacha took a good pinch to the face and is reeling! With the only other creature on the field taken out, can she pull out a win!? Gacha is going for the body slam! ;P"
O-12 loudly narrates as if this were a wrestling match, pushing the tailmic to attack the crab and try to weaken it.

The tailmic attacks!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 4 is rolled.
2024-12-12 21:02:39
Profile
Posted by ID #25
Last edit: 2024-12-12 21:03:55

It fails and misses its shot!
The soundtrack changes as the fight starts! Blood will be shed today...

[Patapon 3 OST- 40 Final Boss Theme]
S-52
THERE SHALL BE NO MERCY TODAY.
Lobster unleashes the lobster claws against Doof Boy, the weak should fear the strong!

Using the power of the cheering crowd, you attempt to inflict massive damage!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. An 18 is rolled.

Doofboy is snapped against the wall!
Ms. Fizzlewig jumps in front of him to protect him.

S-52
"Step Away. xwx"
Helpy
2024-12-12 21:10:44
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #2
Last edit: 2024-12-21 10:07:21
"Please! Leave Doofboy alone! He is a beloved member of this community!!!!! He's so helpful. I won't, I won't let you kill and eat Doofboy!!!!" There's a light growing behind the clown. It's Doofboy.
S-52
"...Can you offer anything else in exchange for Doofboy's life? I hunger. xwx"
O-12
"Gacha misses her attack, but- Oh gods- LOBSTER COMES IN WITH A STEEL CHAIR! OOOOH, DOOF IS UP AGAINST A WALL! THE CROWD IS GOING WILD! What's this!? A clown is in the arena, coming to help Doof out! That's not a very smart move! But- What? What is that!? ;P"
2024-12-12 21:28:40
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:38:21

THE CRAB HAS BECOME LARGER. WHY???

S-52
Lobster looks at O-12.
"..."

Doofboy appears to be drawing power from some unknown source!

Helpy
"Oh gods.....oh gods, things just keep getting worse, I just wanted to help!!!!"

DOOFBOY BEGINS TO BLINDLY LASHOUT AT EVERYONE.

O-12
"Shit- Fuck- GACHA, COVER ME! ;P"
O-12 orders his tailmic to protect her master!
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 4 is rolled.
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 10 is rolled.
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. An 11 is rolled.

Doofboy grabs both the clown and O-12 and begins to crush them in his claws!

Helpy
"T-THE POWER HAS CORRUPTED DOOFBOY'S MIND. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MONSTER!!!!!!"
S-52
"...Crab meat is back on the menu, boys! xwx"
As Doofboy is occupied with both of them in hands, Lobster calls upon the closest swarm to attack under the crab's belly! The soft meat was going to end in someone's plate, be it by force or not.
2024-12-12 21:43:45
Profile
Posted by ID #25
Last edit: 2024-12-12 21:55:14

SWARM CHEER!!!!!!
A STRANGE CROWD OF PEOPLE, WHICH INCLUDES...... 5 DEAD HISTORICAL PEOPLE. A CAN OF BEANS. A GUY IN A CANDY OUTFIT. TWO BLORTS. A ROBOT. A SAD CLOWN. A GUY WHO'S RETURNING FROM AN O-6 CON. A LOBSTER (REAL). A COSMOSDEX ENTRY (USELESS). A MOUSE (SMALL). STRAWBERRY (AFTIK). A DRUG DEALER. AND A SICKO APPEARS.
THIS CROWD...............
SUCKS! +2 POWER!
They attack the soft belly of the crab!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +2. A 5 is rolled.

But it turns out a group of dead people and a can of beans suck at fighting!
Doofboy attempts to throw himself on lobster gal!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 13 is rolled.

S-52 is currently crushed under a massive crab!

O-12
2024-12-12 21:57:38
O-12 Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:40:52
"IF I DIE FROM THIS, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS-"
S-52
Lobster reanimates the five dead men and controls them push the crab away as she tries to bite and devour his soft spot! TONIGHT, THE DEAD RISE AGAIN.
"CALL FOR YOUR CAPTURE CREATURE, HORSEFACE. XWX"
2024-12-12 22:00:27
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:42:20

This tentider in the background just....scuttles past everyone. It's leaving, it's been waiting for too long.

O-12
"GACHA! DO SOMETHING! ATTACK! USE YOUR SPECIAL ABILITY! UUUUUHG-"
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. An 8 is rolled.

The dead people are able to lift the crab, allowing you to get a few bites in, but it's not enough!
O-12's tailmic uses [Look at Me!] Doofboy is forced to attack it!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 19 is rolled.

O-12's tailmic has been crushed to dust!
Doofboy is starting to power up a move.............

S-52
Lobster gets away from under the crab's belly as the five zombie men attack the crab's joints. The rest of the swarm acts as a shield for her while she's opening and eating the CAN OF BEANS to recover.
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +5. A 10 is rolled.
2024-12-12 22:08:14
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:45:05

One of Doofboy's joints has been ruined! He has become clumsy and permanently loses 5 of his attack points!

Doofboy has a feeling this is his last chance. He attempts to use his O-12 hand to crush the lobster notail!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +3. A 20 is rolled.

The defenses built up all fail. Even weakened, Doofboy still has the power within him. Lobster notail is knocked out!

O-12
O-12 STARTS STRUGGLING TO ESCAPE BECAUSE HE JUST REALIZED THAT WAS AN OPTION.
O-12 rolls a 20 sided die. A 9 is rolled.

O-12 fails to get out of Doofboy's claws!

Helpy
"How does it feel to be the reason both of us die, bitch?"
O-12
"FUCK. FUCK THIS. GOD FUCKING HELP ME!"
Helpy
"You think I wanted to be killed by my fucking best friend?"

God is thinking about helping O-12..............

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. An 18 is rolled.
2024-12-12 22:15:28
Profile
Posted by ID #25
Last edit: 2024-12-12 22:15:46

A BRIGHT LIGHT COMES FROM THE SKIES ABOVE AND PLUCKS O-12 OUT OF THE CLAWS OF DOOFBOY!

Helpy
"Uh....can you do me next?"

The light also picks up the clown.

Helpy
2024-12-12 22:18:06
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:47:22
"Thanks, god!"
O-12
O-12 is already in deep. He's not going to have asked god for help for nothing. Pulling a knife from his boot, he plunges from the beam of light, trying to do a fucking plunging attack dark souls style.
"If I die, I'm going out fighting! PEOPLE, IF YOU'RE HEARING ME, GIVE ME YOUR ENERGY! I'M ABOUT TO SPIRIT BOMB THIS BITCH! ;P"
O-12 rolls a 20 sided die. A 6 is rolled.

"Plunk"
That's the sound O-12's knife makes on the shell of Doofboy.
Doofboy grabs O-12.

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +3. A 1 is rolled.

But just scrapes his shell!

Helpy
2024-12-12 22:22:06
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:48:18
"Look, come on, just come with me and god and let's not hurt Doofboy anymore."
O-12
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK."
O-12 does a barrel roll down the back of the crab, and clings onto its back-end, trying to bait the crab into attacking itself.
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die. A 6 is rolled.

The crab clatters its claws, deciding that something is fishy here. It carefully attempts to snip O-12!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +3. A 4 is rolled.

But hits itself in the face instead!
Doofboy attempts again!

2024-12-12 22:26:15
Fortuna Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:30:09
Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. An 11 is rolled.
O-12
"Team, I think I might've gaslight gatekeeped girlbossed too close to the sun on this one. ;P"

Now pinching O-12 on the leg, Doofboy attempts to slam him into the floor!

Fortuna rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +3. An 8 is rolled.

O-12 is slammed once, but is still alive, barely. He sees a light.....God.

He doesn't know what god, but it doesn't matter. It whispers to him... "I will let you win against my champion if you worship and love me. I could use your influence over others."

O-12
O-12 stares up into the light, reeling, bloodied and battered.
"Sorry. The only thing I truly love is myself. But if you want worship, I can definitely give you that. ;P"
O-12
O-12, clutching his weapon, goes for some last desperate stabs against the crab's soft spots, with or without god's help.
"YOLO!"

O-12 doesn't need to stab the crab. As he agrees to the god, Doofboy changes back to his smaller form.
"kkkkkwkwkwkwkkkkkkk"

Helpy
2024-12-12 22:33:04
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:58:16
The clown jumps down and puts Doofboy into a plastic container!
"Ok, no more, no more!!!!! Please don't kill him! He's my friend, but if you want to have him you can, just please don't eat him, he's such a good boy!"
O-12
O-12 slowly stands up, brushing blood and dirt off his outfit.
"Deal. I wouldn't have let him get eaten anyway- Crabs are super fucking rare in this part of the galaxy, it'd be like eating a gold bar. ;P"
S-52
As Lobster snores on the ground, she mumbles something about milk-related products and other types of foods. She's having a happy dream.
Helpy
2024-12-12 22:35:11
Helpy Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:58:58
"Sniff.....I'm sorry, Doofboy. You just wanted to be an education mentor and now you're likely, sniff....going to get your blood used for awful experiments. I didn't want this to happen. Fucking notails, man!"
2024-12-12 22:35:56
Profile
Posted by ID #87
Last edit: 2025-11-18 11:59:08

Ms. Fizzlewig hands over the container before running away, hands over her eyes. Today, she has lost a good friend.

Today....You have gained a crab.

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