..."Destiny" might really exist. It's like the universe itself tries to get in your way. At this rate, despite your best efforts, you'll watch them die one more time. Again and again and again. Their body will go cold once more, like usual. You'll watch their blood be spilled anew, something you wish you had never gotten used to.

But so what? Your personal hell is one of endless trial and error, desperate flailing against some invisible flow you can't even begin to swim against. But so what? You're not god, you can't expect to be able to change fate. But so what? You're confident that with enough effort, with enough retries, with enough pointless death, you'll eventually reach something close to that, regardless of what it is you end up losing in the process. You'll become light.