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Home > Expos > Event 8 > Page 9
FREAKY CHICKS▼
FREAKY CHICKS
[ Chillout Jazz House Music Mix - Cozy Pancakes Brunch Bar | Relaxing Living Room Lounge ]
Ray
"Look at this fucking baby, boss." Ray sighs as he places the child on the bar. "Thing looks like a middle aged man with eyes like that."
Snitch
"keke."
Zapp
"Hey, man! I don't think that baby is old enough to be drinkin' at a bar like this." The barkeeper shouts.
Ray
"See this man next to me?" Ray points to Zookeeper(?). "He's with me. That's my boss, and the boss of your boss's boss."
Ray
"I'm allowed to place as many damn babies as I want on your shitty damn bar. Tell him, boss."
Zookeeper?
Zookeeper(?) nods. "As long as no babies are hurt, what do I care. It's not like this baby is genetically viable anyway!"
Zapp
"Eugh, what happened to you?"
Zookeeper?
"I'm alive!"
Zapp
"Uh, whatever you say!"
Zapp
("Freaks.") Zapp, the bartender tries to ignore the trio for now, unwilling to get involved in whatever horrors are going on.
Ray
"You see any cute dames around boss?"
Zookeeper?
"I'm supposed to be getting married in a few hours, so I don't think I'm supposed to be looking around. Not like anyone in the universe is compatible with me in anyway that matters on a genetic scale."
Ray
"Lay it off on the genetic scale thing. You're going to freak out the chicks with talk like that."
Ray
"As fucking unpleasent as a gal asking you if you want kids on a first date. Damn, boss." Ray keeps a look out on newcomers. He finds no interest in the current lineup of people in the bar.
Admirer
A newcomer looks around, nervously. It looks like she's new, her small body fitted with flowers growing from her skin.
Admirer
She looks at the cekeki staring at the door, giving him a small smile. He looks nice, and is a single father…
Ray
"Bingo. Snagged one."
Zookeeper?
"Should I watch the baby while you talk to her?"
Ray
"Fuck no. Then it'll look like I'm with you, and you're a dude."
Ray
"Leave it there and don't touch it. I won't take long."
Ray
2024-12-29 16:33:59
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:19:40
Ray slithers over to the small cekeki. He shoots her a friendly smile. "Well well well, what's a gal like you doing at a bar like this? You know this ain't the safest part of town. You lost?"
Admirer
"Maybe I was lost, but now I'm found."
Admirer
"What's the name of my savior?"
Ray
Hook, line, and sinker.
Ray
"Eeeh, don't worry about my name sweetheart. More exciting that way, don't you think? Call me whatever you want for now." Ray moves behind her, his long body trailing back to the bar.
Ray
"How bout I buy you a drink, sweetheart? You into the fruity shit or do you like it hard?"
Admirer
"How mysterious!"
Admirer
"I like it hard. Show me what you like."
Ray
"Well then I got just the drink for you." Ray leads the other cekeki to the bar. He leans over the counter, but notices something off.
Ray
"Boss."
Zookeeper?
"Yuh huh?"
Ray
"Where's the baby?"
Zookeeper?
"It walked off."
Ray
"What the fuck do you mean it walked off?! You were supposed to watch it!"
Zookeeper?
"I did watch it."
Zookeeper?
"Walk off."
Zapp
"You did tell him to not touch the baby."
Ray
"Oh so you were really worried about the kid until it starts its little toddler escape, huh!?"
Zapp
"Hey man, I wasn't going to touch the baby just in case you yell at me for it! You should know cekeki babies hatch out their little stupid capsules ready to work a 9 to 5."
Ray
"......................."
Ray
"No I didn't know this."
Zookeeper?
"They're super efficient, and I love them for that!"
Admirer
"You're so funny! It's alright, I didn't know either."
Admirer
"If he was a normal baby, I would've totally just walked away just now. Good thing he wasn't."
Ray
("I have no idea what that means but she hasn't left yet.")
Zookeeper?
("She gives me total freak vibes.")
Ray
"Which way did the baby go?"
Zookeeper?
Zookeeper points into the backdoor leading to the kitchen. "He went a-that-a-way!"
Ray
2024-12-29 16:39:53
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:21:28
Ray points at Zapp. "If that god damn shrimp ends up in some god damn rice or imprinted onto some lowly wagie job you're fuckin' dead, you hear me!"
Zapp
"Fuck off, I've literally been doing nothing! Isn't your boss the one who's at fault?"
Ray
"I ain't never gonna yell at my boss like that."
Ray
"But I don't mind killing you to make up for it."
Ray
Ray looks at the cekeki he came with. "Hey, I know this is a little bit of an unconventional date. But do you want a lil backdoor pass to the bar?"
Ray
"Actually what am I doing asking? We're going." Ray grabs the other cekeki and pulls her with him into the kitchen.
Admirer
"-Oh!"
Admirer
"I love scavenger hunts!"
Bizz
The group rushes into the kitchen, where the head chef chuckles as he watches the new recruit work. "Heh, man we haven't had a good worker in ages round here."
Bizz
"No wonder everyone is only hiring cekekis if they're this good at work!"
Snitch
The young, less than a day old cekeki is carefully placing gold leaf on a rare stake.
Ray
"You let that baby go! I ain't letting it become a chef!"
Ray
"Also why the fuck are you in a suit?"
Bizz
"They say dress for the job you want, not the one you're at."
Snitch
"Keki."
Bizz
"What did he just say?"
Ray
"He said your hair is a health code violation."
Bizz
"Heh, and who is going to-"
Bizz
"Is that guy writing a ticket?"
Snitch
The cekeki has a ticket for Bizz in his mouth.
Ray
"Less than 10 hours old, and he's already snitching. Disgusting."
Bizz
"What do you mean he's 10 hours old, look at his eyes man, does that look like a 10 hour old? Man looks older than you!"
Ray
2024-12-29 16:43:38
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:23:12
"The stress of his parents passed down in his genes. Don't judge him."
Admirer
"…He's 10 hours old?"
Zookeeper?
"Hmmmm cekeki + metaparxi really make a good combo!"
Admirer
"Isn't this like, child labor?"
Ray
"Oh shit, I forgot you think this is mine."
Admirer
"If you aren't careful, we could talk to someone about how you're making a fresh new baby work…"
Admirer
("I know he isn't yours. He's not red at all. Or like… Anything.")
Bizz
"Hey man, lets not jump to this child labor nonsense! I didn't tell him to walk in here and start fulfilling orders. I didn't even know he was less than a day old!"
Bizz
"How was I supposed to know cekekis are born working 9 to 5s?"
Ray
"You gotta be a god damn idiot to not know cekekis are born working 9 to 5s!"
Ray
"Anyway. I won't snitch on you. Long as you do me a favor."
Bizz
"Sure, what can I do for you?"
Ray
Ray blocks the exit. "Help me get this girl in a pot."
Bizz
"Oh like, you want me to be your wing man, help you flirt right?"
Ray
"........................."
Bizz
"R-Right??????"
Admirer
"W-what?"
Admirer
"You want to boil me? That's… lame."
Ray
"What do you mean that's lame?"
Bizz
"Uh, first off, I'm not helping you kill a lady. What the fuck is wrong with you!"
Bizz
"Second off. Why isn't she more scared?"
Admirer
"I thought you were a grilling kind of man, or maybe even raw… Clearly I was wrong."
Bizz
"HELLO??? IS SHE OK?"
Admirer
"Don't you know boiling is only good for stock? I'll be tasteless!"
Ray
"What the fuck is wrong with you, woman?"
Bizz
"Hey!"
Bizz
"Lady, he's not joking. He eats people."
Admirer
"What! Wow, I really couldn't tell. Especially after he blocked the door and told you to boil me."
Admirer
"Don't you know how us cekeki are?"
Admirer
"It's eat, or be eaten I'm afraid. Haven't you noticed how the town is recently?"
Admirer
"There was a murder at my apartment building. A cekeki."
Admirer
She steps closer to Ray. "I wasn't scared when I heard it. If anything, I was tired. I didn't think anything of it."
Bizz
"Shit! Cekekis are eating each other out there?"
Ray
"......................................"
Ray
"Actually that was me."
Bizz
"Pweeh! I was almost worried there was more than one freak out there."
Ray
Ray picks up the child. "Anyway, I'm out."
Admirer
"Ah, really?"
Bizz
"What? Look, I'm not saying that like, you should kill a woman and eat her. That's horrible, disgusting! But also I think she wants this?"
Admirer
She steps closer and closer to him. "Aren't you close to godhood?" His heat is too much, but she can't help herself.
Admirer
"Oh, I don't want to die…" She whispers to him.
Ray
"This lady's creeping me the fuck out!"
Bizz
"You're telling me, you'll fucking eat a woman if she's running for her life but when she wants to get eaten and you'll not do it?!?"
Zapp
2024-12-29 16:51:19
Zapp Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:25:13
Zapp pulls back the kitchen door. "BIZZ STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE THE LOCAL FREAK SHOW TO COMMIT MURDER AND GET BACK TO PREPARIN' THOSE FUCKIN' STEAKS, MAN."
Bizz
"LOOK IT'S HARD TO WORK WHEN THIS MAN IS LITARALLY COOKING THE ROOM WITH HIS DAMN BODY HEAT!"
Zapp
"RAY GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE KITCHEN."
Ray
"I ain't leaving this kitchen until I want to!"
Bizz
"THEN EAT YOUR FUCKING WOMAN MAN!"
Ray
"I don't want to eat her, she's grossing me out!"
Zapp
"FUCK OFF!"
Bizz
"SEE WHAT I MEAN!"
Snitch
The child is writing the menu for next week based on the supplies in the kitchen. He doesn't understand limblish anyway and has no idea what's going on.
Admirer
…She rips off a flower, a steady stream of blood leaking from the wound. "Won't you eat at least this? Flowers on the first date, it's customary."
Ray
Ray bats the flower away. "I don't do gay shit like roses."
Ray
"Come on, what's-your-name. I ain't letting you become some damn cook."
Snitch
Snitch looks down pensively.
Snitch
Snitch looks up pleadingly.
Ray
"I told your daddy I wasn't going to promise to raise you right but god, damn it man! I'm not failing 10 hours in!"
Zookeeper?
2024-12-29 16:54:05
Zookeeper? Profile
Posted by ID #107
Last edit: 2025-07-23 02:26:37
"Normally I am against murder, that is a Death thing. Death is a glutton that eats his friends and family without a thought."
Ray
"See my boss says I can't do it."
Zookeeper?
"But I think just this once, you should eat this one."
Ray
"Fuck off."
Zookeeper?
"But she wants to be eaten!"
Ray
2024-12-29 16:55:06
Ray Profile
Posted by ID #53
Last edit: 2024-12-29 16:55:13
Ray starts crawling out of the door. "Nope."
Admirer
"Oh… It's alright."
Admirer
"I gave you your chance to eat." She lunges at him! Teeth bared, aiming for his neck.
Admirer rolls a 20 sided die. A 20 is rolled.
Ray
The cekeki bites down into Ray's neck. Ray, who had his back turned had no chance to dodge. Her fangs dig deep into Ray. "Y-You crazy BITCH!" Ray is forced to drop the child to the floor as he tries to slam the back of his neck into the door.
IT'S A CLASH!
Ray rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 30 is rolled.
Admirer rolls a 20 sided die. A 13 is rolled.
Ray
"You said you wanted to be grilled, right, bitch?" Ray hisses out.
Ray
"Well you're getting your damn wish, you creep!" Ray becomes a burning line of light as his powers bubble forward, utterly toasting the cekeki against the door.
Zapp
"It's like watchin' a flatbread be made."
Bizz
"Don't ruin flatbreads for me man....."
Admirer
"Hhh… I'm not that easy." She lunges again!
IT'S A CLASH!
Admirer rolls a 20 sided die. A 4 is rolled.
Ray rolls a 20 sided die with a modifier of +10. A 12 is rolled.
Ray
She tries to lunge forward, but Ray keeps her pressed against the door until she is finally fried to death by his heat. He moves back, letting her body fall to the ground. "That was fucked up."
Zapp
"Uh, yeah it was kind of fucked up you killed a woman!"
Ray
"She came at me!"
Bizz
"In fairness, you came at her first, and she consented."
Ray
"I don't trust a woman that wants me to eat her."
Zapp
"I wish the cops would just lock you up already!"
Ray
"Oh yeah, and which one of you is going to snitch on me?"
Bizz
".........................."
Zapp
"....................................................."
Snitch
The child is calling the police.
Ray
Ray slaps the phone out of his hands. "No! That wasn't an order you god damn snitch!"
Ray
"You know what? I could never pronounce your stupid name."
Zookeeper?
"So that's why we've just been calling it "kid" this whole time." Zookeeper mumbles while holding the dead, perfectly cooked and seasoned (due to a certain baby cekeki) cekeki corpse.
Ray
"Your name is Snitch now."
Ray
"I'll give you back your name when you learn to have some damn manners."
Snitch
Snitch looks at Ray with big wet eyes.
Ray
Ray points to the corpse. "Hey are you going to eat that?"
Zapp
"OH SO NOW YOU WANT TO EAT HER?!?"
Zookeeper?
"Well if you want it......."
Ray
"Yeah, well meat is meat. I just didn't want her to think I'd eat her on her terms."
Zapp
"Ray you are banned from this bar."
Ray
Ray's mouth begins to glow with heat.
Bizz
"Foooooor the rest of the evening, buddy!"
Bizz
"Yo-You're always welcome here man! He was just joking!"
Ray
"I don't like jokes. Better not do that again." Ray scowls as he leaves.
Zapp
("Fuck that guy.")
No one is typing.
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