"Why so glum, pal?"

Buckingham pulls down on the brim of his hat. He was even more tattered than he was when he had met up with O-11. A mess of a normally well groomed drattle. He leans on Fuppance for physical and moral support.

"MY HUSBAND... I-I'VE BEEN SPURNED! TOSSED AWAY, OH BUT I DESERVE IT! I-" Sniff, "THEY WERE RIGHT, I-I'M A NO GOOD ....CATFISHER! HOW COULD I LET THIS FARCE GO ON FOR THIS LONG!"

Buckingham drones on with decreasing coherence.

"WOAH!!!! Those are some relationship issues!"

"Don't you worry at all! I can offer you a little help after all. It must be fate that I stepped on you!"

("Which is happening a bit more than I would like.......")

"You have entered the tent of the ringleader of this world! Your wish, is my command, and if your wish is to be the perfect man, I'll give it to you, and more!~"

Sniffle... "Help... me? ...F-for what? What's the catch? Points? Clown credits? Live sacrifice?"

"There is no catch, not one at all!"

"All I want youzzzzzt to do is smile! I can't stand a frowning face!"

"But heeeeeey if you want to pay me too, a lady never turns a tip down!"

Buckingham grabs Circe by shoulders and rattles her a bit.

"QUICKLY, GENEROUS ROBOT! CHARGE MY PHONE! WE WILL DISCUSS MORE BUT I HAVE MATTERS MOST URGENT THAT REQUIRE THAT MY PHONE IS NOT DEAD!!!" ALSO HE HOLDS IT OUT FOR HER. URGENTLY.

"Oh! Well I can't do that no problem! Zippity boop! And your phone is now charged!!!"

"I also upgraded it, it was soooooo old."

"YES! YES FINALLY- upgraded how?" BUCK TURNS IT ON. C'MON C'MON HURRY C'MON.

"You know, updgraded! To the newest generation, duuuuuh!"

Buckingham clumsily attempts to navigate his new and improved phone. Fuppance nudges him with his snout and tries to offer his assistance, which causes the two to bicker over the phone.

It takes a solid 15 minutes for Buckingham to actually accomplish what he needed to do. His assistant shakes his head.

"YES! BLOCKED! BLOCKED ON EVERY PLATFORM! TAKE THAT CAPTAIN OF THE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!!" Buckingham pants a bit, clutching the phone in his hands...

"..Now then. About that. Sadly I must inform you that I am absolutely perfect in every way already! HOWEVER!!! My dearest husband..." Buckingham sniffles, struggling not to break down into tears again. "I may of.. w-we've never met in person! And he only knows me by.. well.."

"By a fake version you told him about? Wow, you know I met a guy who had the same problem, he's better now!"

"I say that speaks to how reliable I am."

"NEVERMIND THEIR SIMILAR PROBLEMS, I need you to gussy me up into what my husband believes me to be! HOWEVER! I have one requirement!"

"One requirement that I promise you every bit of my vengeance upon you if you break this agreement between us."

"PPPPPPPBBbbbbt!!!"

"Duuuuuuuuuude, I don't think I can mess up a little "making someone attractive""

"You got any pictures of what your husband's been looking for?"

Buckingham leans in, pointing to his hat while staring her down.

"You do not. Do anything to my hat. Leave it be, exactly how it is. You look me in the eyes robot, this stays intact exactly how it is."

"...But yes, I have a picture, one moment."

Buckingham fiddles with his phone once again to bring up his VR avatar for her to view. "Remember my promise. I do not care if it does not fit with my avatar's overall aesthetic, The hat is left untouched."

"Listen here homeslice."

Circe tips her hat. A rabbit peeks out from behind it.

"I know better than take a man from his hat. That's a bond that can never ever be broken! Your hat stays!"

"Excellent."

Buckingham stands up straight- Wait, nope, still inebriated. Buckingham stumbles momentarily, before standing back up straight and dusting himself off.

"THEN ROBOT, I, LORD BUCKINGHAM THE TWENTY-FIRST, AM READY FOR YOUR MAGIC MAKE ME THE HUSBAND OF FABLES!"

"Say no more, fam! I too play Legends of Limbo!"

"I'll make you into the perfect man."