WARNINGS BEFORE USAGE

You can consume a maximum of two shrimp tails per year. Consuming above this amount may result in enlightenment, terror, dumbfoundedness, and then death. Many have reported they are able to eat three or four a year and be fine, but our shrimp tails are fresh, harvested from living baby singularities just before we ship them to you. Our product is never frozen and may be eaten raw, though a stew is recommended for flavor. No ID is required to purchase, as what you consume is your own choice.

While I do believe in the concept of doing whatever the fuck you want with your body, I do not like being lied to. As such, you’re officially being anonymously reported to the government when you buy these.

Thanks for ruining everything.

THINKING OF GETTING LOST IN THAT MAZE?

Every time you consume the blood of a singularity, a maze opens up before your mind. Every turn presents questions or answers. The tail of an infant answers one of your questions clearly. A maze with one path.

What will happen to the tree outside in 50 years? Why, it will grow strong, bear fruit, but the termites that live under its bark will be its downfall.

But when you consume too many shrimp tails, or the blood of a complex singularity, the maze grows seemingly endless. Questions you would have never pondered are asked, and answers for questions you do not know respond back.

What is the meaning of life? The remote is under your pillow. How do I make it to Flame Road on the island of Barnable? 42 is the answer to the question you asked. What happened to him? It will grow strong, bear fruit, but the termites that live under its bark will be its downfall.

YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE THE MAZE

Once you enter the endless maze, you can never leave it. I’ve only known a single person to have learned to live within its confines. Do not confuse those who live but only babble. These all knowing but all stupid creatures are not alive in any way that matters. When you buy this product you are responsible for what happens next.